These butts are a no go

Women if you are going to wear tights please hit the gym first. You are doing yourself a disservice. My eyes can only take so much.

Observations:

Shyt Im on Natural Caffiene

Today I woke up at 4am and could not go back to sleep. I thought about going on the book of faces or words with friends, but realized that people might think I was some freak of nature by using those apps at such an early time.

I ended up turning on the tube and watching cartoon network. Before I changed the channel there was an info commercial on about some special jeans for women. Apparently someone has designed jeans that make fat chicks waist smaller be several inches. In addition, it helps to shape their ass.

Amazing was my 1st thought, the reality hit. What if a large percentage of women used such tactics to hide what really resides behind those jeans. Have I been getting dupped for years?
I can see breast implants as they are natural beauty enhancers. But to actually deceive my with jeans that makes you look thinner is where I draw the line. I may not be as morally sound as some but this Shyt is not cool.

I will always question the fitness of women from now on.

Oh the horrors.

Shyt

I chipped my mother effin moler. I don't know how this Shyt happened. All I know is I have to a over priced dentist.

I think this is love #1

I was watching our idiot brother and stumbled upon this beauty. I was in aww and my member couldn't resist the urge to move as she walk and kissed her lisbo lover on the screen. I had to say down boy. Behave yourself.

I thought to myself. I might be in love. Is this what it feels like? Where has this woman been my whole life? More importantly does she have that vaginal hubris? Is it tight? Do she do her kegels?

I didn't stop there as my mind tends to wonder when I new woman is introduced into my heart. Remits of ll cool j's song I need love started to play in the background of the thought.

I don't even know her name. Please give me the name of this rare beauty?

-Uncle Booze

Wordpress

I'm on Wordpress to unclebooze.wordpress.com

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

hungover

today was just like any other day in my life. I woke up and what do you know? my m effen head is hurting. of course this is from a night full is drinking random liquor and not remembering how I got home. more importantly, what did I purchase from McDonald that cost 40 dollars. wait a second....there are 50 nuggets in my fridge.

JOKES ON ME.

-Uncle Booze

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

morning glory

this is a start to a beautiful morning.

things I wonder

Why do people insist on staring at me while I walk down the street without speaking. It really puzzles me that this consistently happen and I am starting to take offense. Its bad enough we have to go thought the world without ever knowing what another person is truly thinking, yet along being stared down by a compete stranger is completely asinine.

From this day forward, I will introduce myself to everyone and I mean everyone that does this to me. "Hi, my name is Uncle Booze, wtf are your staring at?"

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Im Still Drinking and now Im Tumbling

If you need me I'll be warming up for my blog return over here S.Beamin Strikes Back

Beer Flatulence

I drink beer and I cannot lie. I drink tons of beer and pay for it in the morning. Just yesterday, I chugged a few (by a few I man like 9 min) with some friends and now I am paying for it. I woke up at like 4:30AM Eastern farting like a motherfucker. It's what modern day scientist (myself) have been known to call beer flatulence. Something we beer drinkers tend to get. Something that I am proud of. Something that simply smells horrid. I did something some deep thinking...I would rather have beer flatulence than some un-curable disease that would eat away at my own flesh. Can you imagine living with something like that? I don't want a death wish over here, but I had to get that off my chest.

FYI- Somehow my password was reset and I didn't know it, so I had to call Blogger to get it. I may have changed it in a drunken stupor, but that I am back in action. I can post and I assure you that it will only be my thoughts. Random thought. Drunken antics. And foolery.

-Uncle Booze

The Hangover

The preview of the Hangover II has inspired me to write again, as my life is just one giant comedy show. Just yesterday, I decided to get Thai food for dinner. To be more specific, I got pad thai, the national dish of Thailand. Don't ask me how I know these things, I just do. I told the waiter spicy, so she told the cook to make my food the national spiciness of hell. The entire time I was struggling to eat the food due to its intense level of spiciness and the lack of the waiter inability to consistently fill my cup with water. After I finally finish, she comes back and ask was the food spicy enough for me. I was lost for words. So to get even, I put this in the tip line, " DON'T BE A SMART ASS CUNT YOUR WHOLE LIFE." That didn't go over well. I got put out the establishment and made some stranger cry. Boozer 1 Dumb Ass Waiter 0.

-Uce Booze is back.

my thoughts. just my thoughts.

Nate Dogg died. did he really have one good solo song?

the situation. did they really let this clown on comedy central? seriously, I think snookie would have done a better job trying to be sober.

cab drivers. do they make those on America?

waitresses. I wonder how many cute waitress chicks go home and realize they will never be a model and the doing their boss to get more hours is the best it's going to get. damn life is hard.

enough said. I can no longer spread this ignorance to as it's my national drinking day.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Major Payne

Today was like christmas. Today as like a fat kid getting the last piece of chocolate cake. Today was like finding out that your AIDS test was flawless. Today ladies and gentlemen, Major Payne came on TV. To me Major Payne is a living icon. I remember I was a corpulent little child and my grandmother took me to see that movie because she happen to be a big fan of Damon Waynes and his 19 brothers (Kim is a dude).

So today I leave you with my favorite quotes:

Major Payne: My Name is Major Benson Winifred Payne. As of 0800, I am replacing Major Frankfurt as your commanding officer.
Cadet Deak Williams, Cadets: Booo. Boooooooooooooooo.
[Major Payne has fired warning shots in the air from his pistol for their insubordination; he slowly lowers it]
Major Payne: See what we have here is a failure to communicate.
[walks up to his cadets]
Major Payne: Do not attempt to challenge my authority. I have eight weeks to turn you gaggle of maggots into a well-discipline cadet unit. From this day forward your sorry asses belong to me. You will not eat, sleep, drink, blow your nose or dig in your buts without my say so. Know this, killing is my business, ladies, and business is good