M.I.L.F.S. that I didn't have time to write about #1

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Quote of the Week #1

"Don't be a cunt your whole life!"

-Uncle Booze

Personals #4

Craigslist Personal

Clarification - 40 (mobile)

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Date: 2009-12-20, 8:49AM CST

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Waiting to meet an African or African American man who is secure and clean ( DDD free as well as hygiene) partner for intimacy and dates, it would be nice if it leads to something more. I have been seperated for over 10 years and pending divorce. Its taken a while because I didn want to pay for it. Now I need to move on for business and financial reasons. I have had a couple very meaningful relationships but the end result was not permanent. I am very interested in having a commited relationship as I don’t have a problem with being loyal. But some people do and this is the type I want to avoid. If you need more than one woman to fulfill your desires then I am not for you. If you are not single/ separated /pending divorce or do not ultimately want a committed relationship then I am not for you. I don’t necessarily have to be the one you become committed to but at least be in a position to want to find out via dating and getting to know one another. I am in my early forties but I look to be in my mid thirties. I am full figured a size 18 to 20 depending on the style. I am an educated fair-skinned AA sister who enjoys a variety of music, culture and foods. I am very spiritual and give reverence to God and all he has created. I am very passionate and love to make love with the right person. I would prefer someone who is willing to be tested and someone who likes to give orally without being a baby if they don’t get it. That takes time for me because I am very picky and that is something I can only do once my feelings are involved. As you can tell I am really the marrying kind …if there is such a thing ...but that is something for you to decide. Make my day and hit me up! Would like to talk by phone this weekend and meet by next. Thanks for your time and interest.

• Location: mobile
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1518253612

My Response:

"You have made my day. This is by far the funniest sh*t I have seen on here in a while. I always thought it was desperate for people to put themselves out on the internet like this, but you are classic. No dude wants to deal with a chick that has been pending divorce for 10 and have not completed it for financial reasons. This mean you are completely broke. This adds a completely new element, but its not a deal breaker. The deal breakers are:

• You are over 40. This means menopause is right around the corner. You know that crazy phase where women are more prone to have hot flashes and stuff.
• I am not the right person for you because I want more than 1 woman. Seriously, you are a size 18 to 20 (depending on the style). You are like 2 chicks in one. Get my drift?
• You refuse to give but prefer to receive. Don't be a c*nt you while life. Word from the wise.
• You talked about the almighty, then start talking about sinning.I may be a heathen at times, but you are the worst. I mean literally and figuratively the worst.
• AA-no words. Get a boob job. You are too big to be flat. Flat is whack in the words of Whitney Houston.
• You a picky. Next!!!!"

-Uncle Booze

The Chick on My Mind... Katerina Graham

Im a little late on the updates this week because I got drunk as fuck last night (no big surprise there), but now I bring to you the latest chick on my mind. The winner is Katerina Graham a very special young lady currently starring on The Vampire Diaries, yes I said it the fucking Vampire Diaries. I your fearless leader S. Beamin watches some fucked up shit during the week, but thankfully it brings me things like this.

From the first time I saw this chick i knew she had stunner potential so I waited and let that shit marinate and now the kitchen timer has rung. I did some digging and it looks like our good witch Katerina has been trying to get it in on the scene for a minute. She has had some real I don't know what the fuck you where thinking moments, but fuck it she's hot.

I mean come on she's out there trying to get her sexy on with a trucker hat, I hope to God that that shit was from 03. Otherwise it has no place in this world. I'll be honest I fucked a chick who wanted to wear my White Von Dutch hat while doing the deed, it was a lil weird but fuck it it worked for her. So seeing that pic of Katerina brought me right back to that dorm room on FAMU's campus. Seriously I will never fuck on a twin mattress again for the rest of my, because We Off That.

So this week The Vampire Diaries is on every night for two hours on the CW so check it out. Katerina doesn't get the shine she really deserves but those glimpses you get will be well worth it. She does have one episode dedicated to her so make sure you dont miss that one. Ill be tuned in so hit me on the Twitter when you get to see what i've been enjoying.


- S. Beamin
Follow Me on twitter "The Situation" is doing it

My Bad T Reddd I forgot all about Slumdog chick I'll get to her during the week

I am Emotionally Unavailable #1

Throughout college, my found utopia, chicks always wanted to get serious with your boy. I am not down for that sh*t. Do I look like sensitive guy number 1. Hell no. I am a grade A @ssshole that sh*ts on everything for my enjoyment. Yes. You try to make me look like a fool, I promise you I will come out on top by making you look like a tribe from one of those National Geographic documentaries. You will be fishing the lagoon with a stick in leaf clothing. Get the point?

I sure hope so.

For the record, I wasn't looking to get all emotional and stuff because I am emotionally unavailable. There are only 3 things I need from chicks....food, sex, and booze. Your heart you could keep. At least I am being honest. Some guys would lead a chick on to hit...not me. I hit them with the truth. The only thing I could offer resides in my pants. It is a symbiotic relationship.....You get naked and I let you. Your boy is back. If you don't like the terms....keep it moving because I looking for the next chick in line........... ding number 123,890 Uncle Booze is now ready for you to put out.

People are always like Booze you can be more sensitive. I don't know how. Hell I don't even have tears ducts. Yes they do not exist on me. So I would just tell chicks,get your mind right. This is what it is and this is how its going to be. I don't care about your day, family, or anything that does not revolve around me getting pleasured. I truly mean this. Besides you know the terms before you got into them because of my honesty.

-Uncle Booze