Monday another Day in the Weekend

It's Monday and I headed to the bar to induldge in some drinks. It all started with Guinness as I wonders will iblos my drivers license tonight?

Currently, it's with the bartender. I can't lose another one of those. For the past 2 months I have been driving on a passport. I got pulled over for speeding and I gave the cop my passport. He replied," are you serious?"

I said," you asked for identification. That's what I supplied. If you are going to give me a ticket do so. If not not I would appreciate it if you would let me go. There are criminals out there that you need to find because I pay taxes!!!!"

That didn't go over too well. I not only got a tickets but got my car searched. Good thing. I pass on grass and was not drinking.

True story.

Uncle Booze

I try to be a good person but that shyt don't work out for me.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Something that do not Make Sense to me at WORK #1

I am casually taking a piss minding my own business and what happens?

Someone, either a fellow co-worker or a client, comes and piss right next to me. Aside from that, they want to hold a full fledge conversation about work. TIME OUT! FOUL ON THE PLAY!

This goes against man law- both acts. I do not know you, nor do I want to talk about work as I am taking a piss. you should be at least 2 stales away from me at all times. This is the most awkward thing. it is more awkward than when I mooned someone in high school thinking that it was a student, but turned out the be the new teacher who class I was on my way too!! Yeah that's how my life work. TRUE STORY. you can ask my friends and i was sober.

So what is Booze to do? I could easily ignore them and enjoy my alone time or I could say "Hey Bob, I was able to sign off on those files and everything appears to be okay." No leave me the f*ck alone. I do not bother you when you are talking to your overweight wife about how you haven't f*cked her in weeks. I do not bother you when you are on facebook 75% of the time, when you should be getting the sh*t I requested a week ago. I do not bother you when you are kissing your boss's ass just to get ahead.

So let me take a piss in peace. From this day on, I refuse to entertain anyone while I am pissing. i have declared it as my official me time in the office. Either you accept it or go fuck yourself!!

Do you really think I can read this?

Hey,

What language is the blog in? what language did you send me an email in? Does that make business sense to you?

Look below:

Janine de Vries to me

show details Feb 8 (8 days ago)

Geachte Webmaster,

Mijn naam is Janine de Vries werkzaam bij Promo-Wise.com. Graag
bied ik u een maandelijkse vergoeding aan voor het plaatsen van een
artikel of advertentie op uw web-site voor één van onze klanten.

Indien u geïnteresseerd bent in ons aanbod, verneem ik van u graag de
mogelijkheden. Heeft u nog vragen of suggesties, kunt u uiteraard te
allen tijde contact met ons opnemen.

To speak with one of our English-speaking customer support staff,
please email Andrew Evans at contactus@promotion-time.com.

Met vriendelijke groet,
Janine de Vries,
Marketing Medewerker,
Afdeling Business Development,
Janine@promo-wise.com

things i have done while being drunk #1 (all lower caps...f*ck english grammar and shyt)

i am not the best person in the world and i really don't try. i think that the world should accept me for me or for lack of a better words sequence...suck it. I love food, but i hate Styrofoam, the shyt destroys the environment. i am all for killing moral with the truth, but when things stay on land fields for 20 years. i have to draw the line. well, while in vegas, i went to panda express and she tried to put my order in that white "un'-biodegradeable bullshyt and i told her to put it into the a la carte box.

The f*cking foreigner didn't want to comply. I told her this is america and i want the f*cking box i paid for, the whole time my college roommate is tapping this and trying to upload it to youtube. i began to get pissed because it wasnt going too well. i waited for them to fix everything and then told them my friends wanted food and told the manager i reuse to pay for it until it is in a la carte box so i can eat and walk at the same time on the strip. that didn't work at all. i went behind the counter and got my own box. she informed my that i can't do that. i turned around and told her....this is America and that's how i roll. FYI i only paid for my shyt.

(due to some of the emails i have received regrading me not censoring my post, i decided to tone it down a little bit. just this one time. i will continue my normal sarcastic ways in the next post)

to be completely honest i only remember going into the damn place, but i saw the video and this is what i appear to be doing minus:

-i told her to suck my d*ck or give me my a la carte box you none english speaking minimum wage, tax dollar stealing illegal

- i mooned all the workers and threaten to pee in the soda machine unless i keep me paper non styrofoam box

-i went to the restroom stole the toilet paper and threw it at the stock of styrofoam boxes.

as you can see, i do my part to help the environment.

-Uncle Booze

i haven't Had a Drink in 24 Hrs

Well ladies and gentlemen. i haven't had an adult beverage in about 24 hours and the side effects are starting to f*ck with me. For instance right now, it took me like 5 times to write the last sentence. i am losing my edge. I do not think I am going to make it. I feel like a blind man that married Whoopi Goldberg and got corrective blind eye surgery. Then decided to rip his own eyes out.

-Uncle Booze

10 Signs She Might be Ghetto (This refers to all races)

1. Lollipops are her favorite candy. Everytime you turn around she has a f*cking blow pop in her mouth making her teeth red like her monthly friend that deprive men of sex for a week out of the month.

2. Flaming Hot pronunced hot flammin. Yes she pronounces everything wrong by saying it backwards. This is indicative of her poor education. Chances are your child would have a serious of 18 vowels before a consonant appears. i.e SCHEAIOUAAOURRNIQUIIEEOI."

Save yourself the trouble and wear a rubber.

3. Now and Laters but she pronouce it nowlata. This is just plain sad. Need I say more.

4. Target is a high end boutique for her. Yes she thinks that target is the top of the line for everything. She has moved away from Wal-Mart.

5. She drinks Boones Farms. This is the bottom of the barrow booze. She likes all the flavors and even have the nerve to bring it as a gift for parties. I could see bringing Yellow Tail, but Boone Farm. SMH

6. She has more then one color of fake hair. Every time I take the train to work I see the same nursing student with f*cking red hair in her head. I wonder, if I would ever want to date a chick like that. To me that screems, I need all the attention in the world. All I do is take take take and I got like 4 babies that uses your tax dollars.

7. She eats pickles with a peppermint stick. This is the most disguisting thing I have ever seen. I was visiting a young lady during my glory days. Little did I know this chick loved f*cking peppermints and pickles. Immediate turn off. I do add she let me know what her mouth was really for and what she was born to do. The Boozer didnt have to teach her a damn thing. DSL is all I have to say. They exist......boy do they exist.

8. She eats nacho meat and cheese on everything. Yes she eats f*cking nacho cheese on everything, All types of chips, meals, and other entrees. one time while at Chiles this chick asked can she get nacho cheese on her steak. Ummmmm bitch no. They melt real cheese they're not that government shit that is given out on the 1st of the month. I walked to the bar took a few shots and proceeded to be interested, but I wanted my johnson to do the talking later.

9. Her favorite restaurant is the local gyro place and mild sauce must be on everything. Now, I love to eat greek shit after a long evening of drinking, pissing in random corners, and forgetting where I left my car. Having it for everyday meal is just beneath me.

10. She has been on Maury more than once and received negative results for the 3 men tested for her last 3 Children. I know this is a little far fetch, but still none the less a reality. One I choose to stay clear of by not associating myself with such scum. Sweetheart keep your legs closed. We are tired of all these little fuckers running around destroying shit, stealing shit out my car, and having more kids.

Omitted from the List:

She thinks Red Lobster is a high in restaurant. seriously? Yes, I just got an A on my 1 year community college term paper. Lets go to Red Lobster. (FYI college is college.I am not downing any form of education. I might need to get my PHD to enlighten me...look at the sh*t I write and I got an advanced degree.)

-Uncle Booze

What Ever happened to Laura Winslow? I don't know her real name and could care less

We all grew up wishing we could get as close to Laura Winslow as that creepy dude steve Urcle. Yeah She stole my heart at an early age, but today at 5am,I pounder what the f*ck happened to her. Years ago when I was like 10 or some sh*t like that, I would anticipate Family Matters coming on so I could see Laura Winslow. She was my "QUEEN TO BE" (in my Coming to America singing fat man voice). She had it all, cute, sassy, and famous. Where is she now?

Hell, I do not know. I am about to google that sh*t now. Verdict is. She did some cheesy get on the bus movie. Come to think about it, I saw like the 1st 20 minutes of the movie and wondered, who the f*ck is this hoodrat? It was none other then my Laura Winslow. Looking like a crack addict and meth user rolled in one. What a sad decline for a nice looking chick, As far as her other actress sh*t, she currently works as a fill in for some style channel show. To be completely honest, I do not know if that channel exist. I only watch the following channels: CNN, Comedy Central, MTV, and Cartoon Network. If you are not on one of those channels, I do not know know the f*ck you are!!!!

On another note, this chick is now "happily" married, if they have kids she will definitely be featured in my MILF post. One question, why the f*ck would you want to go and do that for? You still got some good years in you, I think. well you at least look like it. Laura Winslow,( I didn't bother to get her real name. Not worth the time.) to be completely honest, you surprised me. I thought that you would end up as some hooker of Rodeo drive, a pornstar like your little sister, or some drug addict like Britney Murphy. Nonetheless, you are none of those. Instead, you took the high road and did good for yourself. We need more self righteous chicks like you and Lark Voorhies. I couldn't find any dirt on either one of you.

I know there is something out there and I will not rest until I find the answer.

-Uncle Booze