The Chick on My Mind.... Jessica White

Every now and then I make a mistake, it rarely happens, but when it does happen I admit to it. I also apologize, so Jessica White im sorry I thought you were a photoshop wonder, a SI Swimsuit Edition walkout, and just another Iman imposter. I was wrong and I knew I was wrong when I saw you on the T.O. Show.

That new short haircut and that real I know what I want woman swagger was off the chain. Seriously young women if you think you have swagger take a step back and check yourself. There are so few M.O.B. or Most Official Bitches running around this planet, it brings a small tear to my eye as I type this.

I never thought TO (pronoced like the #) would ever bring something more inportant to my life than the phrase " I Love Me some Me", but he did. By the way y'all should check that shit out because TO only fucks with dime pieces, his ex fiancee is for sure a stunner (google her). Jessica on the show was not only official, but she brought it to those two nosy hoes that try to run TO's life. I have never heard a chick say Google me, but that shit was so cold that it froze those bitches.

She might just have what it takes to back up that put a ring on it swag, but there might need to be a status check in a month. You know because i a stickler about these things. You look at that though and the lover in me says fuck it so we'll just see how the cookie crumbles.


- S. Beamin
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I Have No Real Motivation

Everybody hated in highschool when your teacher, coach, or prinicple tried to motivate you with those gay as fucking posters. Seriously motivation posters were the worst thing ever ass they had dumbass images accompinied by even dumber phrases. The only thing that those thing ever accomplished was making me put the owner of said in a special douche bag category. Thankfully assholes of the world came together and made poster explaining how the world really works. Enough talk let the demotivation begin...












The last one was a little weird, but I found it funny for some reason

- S. Beamin
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Throwback Thursday Ladies All I'm Looking for Is..

From what I've been hearing from people there might be a slight misconception in what S. Beamin is looking for in a woman. I'm picky, but not picky to a point where I'm just waving away any chick under an eight, who doesn't have long silky hair,and hasn't been a debutante. Look people I've ran with prep school chicks to G.E.D. hoes, I'm talking beauty queens and girls fresh from the crime scene. So I'm open minded, I only need one thing.

Have some style ladies. You can do whatever you want with it, but express yourself. Let it be fashion (my favorite), your hair, or even what you do. Ladies separate yourself from the crowd, make me take that second look. I used to mess with a bunch of click-clack girls (Devil wears Prada ref.), and you might think aren't they all the same. Well no they are actually all different if you look closely, because they are all trying to out do one another. You see I don't care where your inspiration or style comes from just have some. Let it be jealousy, rage, or just supremacy bring it I want it.

Right down there she's my favorite they call her Valentina. I don't know why she's my favorite I can't really explain it, but where she chose to take the picture, what she's got on, the way her hair moves just does it. I don't even know what she does, but she makes me want to know. Ladies just make me want to know more.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

-S. Beamin
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Sick

These last few days...I have been sick. Sick in stomach. I thought that maybe I had developed an ulcer from all the booze. Turns out that it was just gas. At least I hope so. Today will be a long day. I have to get a lot of studying done. This whole studying thing has completely interfered with my ability to post. Nonetheless, I am still here. Ready to share my wisdom to the world.

I hope that all of you are fine. While in my pain I thought..... what the world would be like if there was not any sicknesses? Meaning cancer, diabetes, and the disease from hell AIDS did not exist.

I think people would be nicer. Imagine that crazy single lady whose cubicle is right next to yours not contracting genital warts while in college. She would have a mate and be happier. Translation.....she wouldn't be a total b*tch all the time. What about your angry boss??? What if they never got hepatitis C from banging every secretary they ever had (includes girl on girl action)? They would be more pleasant and appreciative of your work. See, sicknesses is potentially the root of all evil!

Just food for thought. Tomorrow, I will continue my normal antics in an attempt to bring you humor.

-Uncle Booze

The Whackness

We all go to the club to have a good time. Spending countless dollars at the bar after pre-gaming. Still we leave unfullfilled.

Right now I am listening to a Asher Roth(spelling may be wrong due to being tipsy) impersonater play and sing his randition of popular songs in techno. Really I am wondering how the fuck did I get here. To this very place at this very moment. Not a good call.

To the right of me is a group of chicks that have been dancing all night and I can actually smell their dove underarm protection giving out on them. I swear I am at middle east quicky mart convention. I almost believe that they are allergic to protection for real. That's just my ignorant mind working to please my ego.

To left, are the chicks that swooped my seat when I got a brew. Such is life, I don't hold personal grudges and shit. Now everyone leaving because the Dj lacks swag.

One last thing......I am glad there wasn't a cover.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

The Chick on My Mind.... Giovanna Mezzogiorno

Let's be honest I didn't know who this chick was until last Wednesday, but I'm happy that I found here, I think Giovanna is the caper to a great Italian week. I wanted to become the Italian Prime Minister so I could fuck 18 year old lingerie models when I'm 80. Lets stop mucking around and just get to it she's hot.

It's good to know she has about a decade on me, but that really doesn't matter n the scope of things. I've done some whoring around so i can't really hold anything she has done against her at his point. I hope she's more famous in Italy than she is here in the states, because I don't know any of here movie's on IMDB.

I just want here to be able to cook some Chicken Alfredo. Seriously I just want an Italian chick who can cook all the meals I crave after a good workout. Honestly it's not that hard pasta plus meat, and sauce that's all it takes to make a meal. Oh and I swear to God if another Italian chick tries to pass off one of those Olive Garden meals off on me I'll go crazy.

You see that right there that's classy sexy. I want all the chicks I know to take notes from Giovanna. I'm going to do you either way so, keep a little mystery about it at least. I understand You have to take it off sometimes, but when your with me I'd like a little show.

That's it I'm good. Yes no matter how old Giovanna gets I'm still into it. Everything else I know about her is in Italian so look it up. I don't care anymore just look at the pictures you fucks.

- S. Beamin

She Pissed on Public Property

Last night was a sight I want to physically drill out my head. One....I tried to send this from my phone, but the application crashed right before I pressed the publish button. I was casually walking down the street after having a few brews at a local night spot. On the window ledge of a store was a curious looking young lady with her assumed to be male companion. This dude was a good guy and definitely took one for his own team (If that is even possible).

As we were walking, said young lady erupted like volcano. Their were several pissing eruptions from her genital area. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. I swear she was born with a fire hydrant for a "vaage". Just imagine a tsunami shooting out from under a chick's dress. Sure I've seen chicks pee before, on a f*cking toilet, but never in public on a sidewalk. If you want to know my thought process, please continue reading!

"WTF. Is that chick okay...OH. Maybe she had too much to drink. Well at least she got someone to help her......Dude did her water just break....NO..NO..NO....This chick just really took a piss without any reservations about it....That's have to be f*cking embarrassing. If that was a chick I was with I would act like I didn't know her. Like probably leave or some sh*t like that. Dude has to be embarrassed too. She just let the whole world know that she does not have any control over her urine. Please do not tell me she is going to pull out some kleenex from her purse to wipe. f she does, that would be classic. I wonder what was going on in both of their minds.........

Him: Girl hurry up and pee before Uncle Booze and his friends pass by.

Said Girl: Okay. I will make this quick. Wait it won't come out. Oh no they are too close and its too late. F*ck this is going to go down as my most embarrassing moment tonight. FYI thanks for convincing me to do this; you aren't getting any tonight!"

I didn't realize that it actually happened until I found myself voluntarily paying hopscotch over some random chick's urine. My friend that it would be nice to play off the ordeal be telling her she dropped her beer. That didn't play over well, she replied, " I think they know, f*ck you with your whack @ss." All we could do is laugh. It everything in my to convince him not to retaliate by bringing attention to misfortune. Quitely, I though, Yes b*tch we saw that aling with everyone walking behind us.

At this point, I began to think....What type of CHICK pisses on herself in public? Like what type of mother is she going to be? I pray for her this morning that she would reform from her wicked ways and find her true calling as the human fire hydrant. I also pray for her potential children......that they do develop morals about themselves and do not act primitive in public.

-Uncle Booze

Dear John Whitherspoon Philosphies

You may know this fool for his role on The Waynes Brothers or The voice of the grandpa on Boondocks. I know him as one funny motherf*cker who has no reservations about any topic. Someone recommended this to me after I wrote about New York in a previous post. This good fellow went on a tangent about this abomination. Enjoy!

After watching the above clip, I discovered that he had other opinions and views that I thought would be entertainment to my audience. However as it relates to Hoochies, I like the world to refer to them as f*ck b*tches. I learned that during my stay in the South. These are the chicks that I am man to admit weren't my cup of tea. Maybe for a one night stand, but I seldom resorted to that option because 1 night of pleasure would lead to the next 18 years and 9 months of dealing with a bona-fide incompetent "vaage" that is only good for poking.

-Uncle Booze

Throwback Thursday Bring Back To Catch A Predator

You know what I miss, To Catch a Predator. Yes this show was the craziest shit I had ever seen in my life. The problem was that the show was sick, yet hilarious at the same time. Now you may ask how kiddy pervs can be hilarious, have you seen these fools? If you ever watched one episode of this shit you would be on the floor rolling. Dudes sitting down to a nice glass of lemonade or margarita thinking they were going to see a pretty young thing, and BAM!!!! Chris Hansen would turn the corner.

This dude would start reading the worst chat room transcripts ever, but with the most deadpan voice ever. He would ask them these questions about what a horrible human being they were like it was a regular interview. I loved when dudes would sit there and try to make excuses like I'm here to help them or I knew this was To Catch. Yes that is what we refer to this show as to on the streets To Catch. My favorite though was when dudes would run, yes dudes used to hit door on Chris Hansen.

Yep after that first show buddies were no longer getting away, because the police were right outside. You thought the taser was bad then the bush camo was overkill, but it was well worth it. Then shit would just get worst as these creeps would wilt under the pressure of interrogation. My favorite of all time though has to be the cancer doctor though. First dude is so nervous he knocks over the drink, dude either it is the 13 year old or the fact you're a pedophile that has you shook. Second my dude tries to run, until he hits the wall of cops. Third and probably my favorite is when he throws down his glasses like F*ck it's all over. You can see the moment dude realizes that if his life is really over. And fourth is when he just keeps talking to the police until he calls his wife and tells here bring 30K, but not the kids. What was his excuse? He said he got caught in a sting, yeah they bout to sting yo ass in the joint, just marvel in the pure stupidity.

Then they took it all away from me, no not because they ran out of predators, but because one offed himself. They took away the show, because some freak did us all a favor an ended it, and don't come at me with he didn't do it, there were transcripts of this freak. The show had been on for awhile if you were still trying to holla at kids you had a real problem. So all I'm saying is NBC either give me a marathon every weekend or all new episodes cause I miss To Catch.

The redheaded decoy was kinda cute though; chill she was 18 so it's all good when you put it on the books.

- S. Beamin
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I Want to be Prime Minister of Italy

Seriously I love Barack Obama as much as the next man, but I'm trying to be Prime Minister of Italy. Yeah when I get old and have some money I want to be like Silvio Berlusconi the man is a straight up pimp. I had heard stories about how he got down, but I didn't really get a picture of it until I read this article on the Daily Beast.
You have to realize that my man has been getting down for years. He didn't care what age that pretty young thing was he was going to get that pussy. My man even started marrying chicks and having kids just to preserve the legacy. It takes balls to say you know what i'll rule the country, marry a few chicks, have them pop out a few kids, and then i'll bang some models on the side.

Not only is the man living the life, but he also owns one of the biggest football (soccer) clubs in the world. Yeah I'm talking about AC Milan. He made a ton of money from the team which he used to become Prime Minister and also buy that Vila, yeah i'm talking about the sex Villa. My man brings eighteen year old lingere models to the place to get naked with there friends for his amusement. The man even has a personal singer/minstrel who does what he wants and lets not talk about the dancers.
The man might even have mob ties, yep the real legit straight from Italy prick your finger Mafia. I'm just saying I have a new hero to look up to. The man survives every scandal that happens to him so ladies and gentleman I present to you the true Teflon Don Silvio Berlusconi Prime MInister of Italy. What is the worst you can do to the man take away the responsibility of running a country, he still has his money, his football club, and all the young women he could ever need. I never thought I would say this, but Sarkozy and Barack step your Presidential ho game up!

- S. Beamin
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WTF Happened To Stephon Marbury

Seriously people what happened to Coney Island's finest, this kid came out of Georgia Tech with all the talent in the world, I mean he was a straight killer. You boy S Dot doesn't even roll with basketball like that, but even I was rollin with the Coney Island Killer. I couldn't believe it when he got picked up by the T Wolves to run the offense for my boy K.G.. I even went as far as too get the school boy middle of the head part like Steph.
He found a hot chick and married her, so i said good shit. Then my boy turned into Starbury which while being one of the biggest asshole monikers you can give yourself, was cool with me. I didn't care he forced a trade, but fuck it he was still a killer on the court. Even after a few years of bullshitting and his start waining we didn't care especially when he got moved to the Knicks.
The simple fact of the matter is when he went home he changed. And by changed I mean he sucked and sucked hard like the rest of the Knicks. The one good thing though was he put out those cheap ass kicks for the kids. I thought man he's on his way back to the days of wheeling and dealing, but was I wrong.
First dude went and tattooed that Starbury sign in the side of his head. Only one type of person should have a head tat and that's a fighter. If you don't kick as or get your ass kicked for a living people then a head tat is a no. Then he went and bought a plane. Yes in the fucked up times we live in he bout a plane, and then had the audacity to complain about the gas prices. That should be one of the fifty things you look into when you go out to buy a fucking plane. He then sat out most of the year and collected a check so I'm not going to hate.
We often forget, but this is a man who repped the United States i International play. Yeah United States across his chest for the entire world to see. You had to believe that he could come back he had to be redeemable. Right?
Then came the redemption in the form of the then World Champion Celtics. You thought it would all come together for the man. He was back with KG he was on a winning squad it looked good. They didn't win it all but the off season should have been cool for Steph. Then he started U Streaming, I let the crying go, I let the eating Vaseline go, I let the hobo conversation go and, even the weed smoking, but this shit is three steps too far.

Yes that is a grown man dancing to Barbie Girl. No grown man danced to that shit when it was a hit single, let alone 13 years later. The first question is where did you find that shit, on iTunes did you download that shit then sync it to your ipod. That's about 12 steps of gay right there, at no time did your manhood not say stop this bullshit right now. This fool then proceeded to get on something and dance. That shit right there is gay.That's it that shit is just Gay end of story, end of ball playing career. Put your Goddamn tongue back in your mouth shit.

- S. Beamin
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I fucking Hate Commercials

Today was the last straw I fucking hate commercials, they serve no purpose in my life. Seriously nothing that has a commercial for it is ending up in my life. Do I buy food based on commercials no, Do I buy clothes based on commercials no, Do I buy my rides based on commercials once again a resounding no. Commercials are now just serving to simply piss me off for no reason what so ever. Weren't commercials supposed to make me feel better about purchases not worse about the world.

Earlier on the way to church a place we all know I need I heard the worst commercial ever. Seriously for 45 seconds I had to sit uncomfortably with my father as a man talked about his Penis pill. Seriously the man talked about how it would increase your Penis size and would help to make you better in bed. Dude was like it proven to make you last longer than ever and makes sure you can please your wife. I'm like wow this shit is awkward, but what made it worst was when it came back on with my Mother and Father in the truck. Thankfully my father cut it off half way through.

I also love these assholes who make these drug commercials. Why is dude running around the park and kayaking while he has herpes. If you have herpes "a.k.a the gift that keeps on giving" you stay in the house away from the rest of us who made correct decision with our dicks and pussies. Oh yeah and how does herpes over here get a partner, seriously either you are hiding that shit before the break out or about to surprise the shit out of someone. The shit is out of control people.

Yeah while we are talking about drug commercials lets get these Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis commercials out of the way. No one with a broken dick is that happy, and don't tell me they are happy because it got fixed. You still have a broken crank dude deep down inside you know you can't perform on your own. You are in every which way a dick cripple, and they don't give out good parking places for that shit.

There are only two types of good commercials the ones they don't show in America like this Sprite commercial. I like how it promotes Sprite, Blow jobs, and Interracial relationships all at the same time. It might be banned, fake, and all that other shit but I like where they are headed.

This is the only other type of commercial that is any good. Yeah Nike commercials be it Soccer, Basketball, Football, or Golf Nike kicks ass. Seriously when is the last time you saw a Nike commercial that sucked, I want you to name it and show me why it sucked. I don't think you can do it, because it's not possible.

Seriously people think about it TV should either be commercial free or only have Nike and banned European commercials on it. For now i'll stick with my two DVRs and extreme hatred for you dumb ass commercial makers.


You thought I would forget Lil Penny oh Hell Naw that's the greatest commercial ever.

- S. Beamin
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M.I.L.F of the Week #9

Lately, I have been busy and not had time to throughly search through sites looking for hot MILFS. When I did a Google search all I got was pictures of porn stars with no names. I like to call them all "the anonymous MILFS of the world." However, I was able to think of one lady, who should have been in the top five without any regrets. Today, I now put her in the top 10 to mitigate the damages I have done to her climb to "MILFdom." Stacey Dash has been eye candy to my generation for years. I still remember her from her days of clueless. But we males are not clueless to this vixen.

No, her recent cover on King Magazine did not inspire this post, but I had a dream. I dream that one day I would bath in an antique style tub taking shots of Jagermeister with Stacey. The water was lukewarm and she was feeding me Sour patch Kids, without playing into the whole 1st they are sour, then they are sweet routine.

Not classy enough for you, huh? Well, would you prefer Seagrams flavored Vodka and Skittles? Enough with my selection of alcohol; She is what I saw at the white light when I went on a 9 day binge. (I cannot recall how many brain cells I killed, but I think it was worth it.) In the dream she didn't complain. She actually thought it was on the kinky side. You never know what to expect with these MILFS.

-Uncle Booze

Redheads FTW

Yes I have come out on the other side of my serious case of yellow fever and reconnected with one of my true loves Redheads. Seriously I don't know why, but I have always found redheads to be incredibly sexy. It got so bad that I went into a phase where I outwardly hated gingers so that I could hide my own fetish. Now I'm free to say I love redheads and I don't care.
Some peole have said it's because of the little bit of Irish that I have in me but I just love em I think. It doesn't matter either I like them all pale, tanned, I don't care. They can be older or young it makes no difference to me.

I even like them with fake red hair, seriously that red hair that isn't anywhere close to real still gets me going. Look I know what her real hair color is and it sure as hell isn't red, but I don't care. Cheryl was hot, but now that she has this fake red hair she is even hotter than before.

You wouldn't think it would work for black people, but it does. My family has quite a few gingers in it and they know how to rock it. This young lady though is rocking it on a whole new level, yes you can be my new baby momma. I'm serious too she has me out here thinking about taking chances your boy usualyy just says no to.
Have you noticed that Lindsay Lohan went batshit crazy when she went away from the red. Seroiusly back in the day she had talent, boobs, and a mind. She goes blonde and she starts taking drugs, starts looking like skeletor, and becomes allergic to dick. Seriously Lindsay is a Public Service Anouncement on why you should stay a redhead.
Now Kate Walsh is one of my favorite redheads seriously I don't even want to say alot about her. She ia bad for an old White lady, me and my boy Margus argued for half a day on who was the sexier old white woman Kate Walsh or Meg Ryan. I think Kate won on the strength of her red hair. Kate might get her own Chick on my Mind post in the coming weeks.
The redheads also have that crazy titty game going too, I'm telling you it's all there for the taking. Just look at the chick from Mad Men (returning tonight on AMC). Those are natural bags of fun I just want to rest in them, them, then motorboat them, then kiss them, and finally play Beamin is a baby.

You see I wasn't lying these redhead chicks either have huge tits or perfect ones for their bodies. They don't fail in any category my firend they always rock it when you need it. They can even rock the tats which you know I love. Their pail skin is like a sheet of paper so the color just pops off of them.
Oh and have we talked about freckles well I love them and you know what is slowly creeping up my list Brazialian Redheads. Yep i'm talking Cyinthia Decker swimsuit.. check, Brazilian... check, redhair... check, banging body... check looks like i'm good to go.


Yeah Jessica on True Blood is starting to come up quick on the radar!

- S. Beamin

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