What Really Flattens My Beers #1...Beggars

Beggars are people that lurk behind the next corner you are about turn whose only goal in life is to irrationally solicit funds from your wallet in an effort to support their habit. These people have no shame. I remember as a child, I was on a bus and a bum got on to pull out a sh*t load of money, while laughing. Are we being bamboozled people?

I think so. There have been plenty of times I was out and about, then all of a sudden I am stopped by a beggar. A worthy adversary that only wants a piece of my American dream. The normal dialouge consist of the following:

Beggar: "I normally do not do this, but I haven't eaten in 2 days. I was traveling with my family and we ran out of gas. This is around the same time that I found out my mother had cancer and my youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD. Can you help me and my family get some food please?"

With my heart filled with compassion, I normally ask:

Uncle Booze: "What would you like to eat? There is a Cheesecake Factory around the corner."

Beggar:" What???? I do not want you to get my some food; I was hoping that you gave me the money instead."

Uncle Booze:" I wasn't born yesterday. Do you want the food or not?

Beggar:" I need the money"

Uncle Booze:" What do you need the money for? Do you want a beer? I will get you one."

Beggar: "I think that would be nice. Miller High Life please."

WTF is wrong with this picture?

The beggar used a well thought out premise to obtain its goal of getting money from an unsuspecting individual. The premise is often has a misleading cause. I have concluded that more than 50% of beggars are not hungry, but are self-trained con artist that prey on the loose change of the world. Honestly, it takes confidence and drive to pull this off. With the proper training, the beggar nation can be the ultimate sales force. Consequently, the only companies that would benefit from this are the ones in the tobacco industry of America.

I personally would prefer the individual that would hold up the sign that says, " I am not hungry, but I need a brew." I would be willing to donate and support that cause; in my eyes, that would be a just cause.

-Uncle Booze