Throughout the day, I always notice the most common things and think about how ashamed people should be for doing such things. Just a few days ago, I was in a small town and happen to stop through Wal-Mart. Within this particular Wal-Mart, there were an abundance of those motorized shopping scooters blocking my every move. I felt like I was playing "shopping chess." Ironically, the morbidly obese were the only ones using them; I personally thought those scooters were designated for individuals with disabilities, but maybe practicing gluttony is a disability. I could be wrong.
This along made me wonder how lazy Americans have truly gotten over the years. Some of us, who need the physical exercise, would opt not to walk around the grocery store to get food for survival. There is something truly wrong with this picture. Darwin believes in the survival of the fittest and if we were in the jungle these motherf*ckers would already be died or forced to loose weight by some form of evolution (today we call it liposuction or gastric bypass surgery).
Okay. I will be honest; I am not concerned about their weight, but I am concerned about their interference with my shopping experience. Have you ever been down an aisle looking for something and there was some person on one of those scooters directly in the way of the one item you came to get? Well, I want to end this so I have made a strategy guide (not well thought out due to time, but its a start) to avoid these people while shopping. Hopefully, in the future we can focus on ending the assimilation of the Motorized Grocery Shoppers Plus Club aka I should have been casted in the Nutty Professor as a Klump.
1. Shop in the produce aisle. You rarely see these people purchasing fresh produce. I think they may be allergic to it or some sh*t like that. If they are not allergic, maybe it interferes with their body's homeostasis.
2. Avoid the baking and cookie aisle at all cost. These people tend to gravitate towards high sugar items. I think this may be the only food source these people take in for survival. Maybe even a form of vitamins for them.
3. Go to the store with a horn to beep at them when they get in your way. I have found that this helps me out a lot. They tend to be responsive to abrupt noises. Trust me a traditional "excuse me" does not work for these individuals.
4. Avoid frozen food aisles that contain pizza and french fries; these seems to be popular foods for them. Their shopping carts in the front of the scooter is normally filled with these two items. Sometimes, I wonder do they have a special card to get a discount on these items. If so, I want one of those pizza and french fries discount cards.
-Uncle Booze
PS: Wal-Mart needs to stop supporting their habits too!
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