Well S. Beamin likes to get down and sometimes he and his boys get down a little too hard. This was one of those occasions as I had only the night before hosted an amazing kegger for me and 75 of my closest friends. It was at my house so you know that means everything was a go batting cage, pool, hot tub, and chocolate fountains. The next day would be a day of reflection for most people, but not S Dot and friends.
After a morning keg and drinking session by the pool we all decided the smartest thing to do was to go to the beach. Yes we decided to leave my body of water, to drive to another body of water hours away. Well to make it clear we never made it to the beach, first we dragged the keg into Wal-Mart to return the shell and then drunkenly stumbled into Hooters.
At Hooters I proceeded to act like an asshole while we each commanded that someone at the table show us a magic trick. A magic trick simply consists of making your beer disappear. As usual we all hit on waitresses and as I was wearing my Ana Beatriz Barros tee, the girls asked who she was. Seeing as how they were in black Polos I knew they were too young to serve alcohol, which meant they were probably dumb. And they were as I convinced them she was my ex who broke up with me and today was a way of cheering me up. I invited them to the get over it party at my house that night and they said they would be there.
By this time we had decided we were not going to make it to the beach so we would go to the Titter, to be specific Legends. So what did we need to make the day great? 40s of course, so we pulled into a gas station and all got Mickey’s with the brown paper bag to match. So no less than ten minutes later as we race down 59 we decide today is a good day to die. My boy Beano who is driving makes a quick lane switch that leads to a near collision, that leads to Beano making another move that leads to a spin out. Beano is able to keep the car on four wheels, but I happen to be looking directly into oncoming traffic from the passenger seat. On pure reaction I scream steer it clear it at the top of my lungs. We did end up hitting one guy so you know that ass hole wanted to call the Police. So Beano and I sat there waiting for the Police while the rest of our friends ran into a seedy strip club to hide. The cop didn’t notice how drunk we were and the ride was all-good so us we headed to the Titter with our 40s in tow.
At the titter I proceeded to get black out drunk, spill drinks every where, have a stripper tell me to look at her pussy instead of her tits, took a twenty minute lesson on how to run a titter, and finally tip a stripper with specific instructions to use it for her baby’s college fund. Seriously the chick was pregnant and trying to dance still, I wouldn’t be surprised if Child services were at that birth.
I guess we got home some how as I was awoken by a slap on the ass, by a girl who I still wasn’t sure if she was legal or not. She informed me that my party had started, so I jumped out of the bed and started all over again.
- S. Beamin
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