M.I.L.F. of the Week #4

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Butt Implants...I Thought It Was Real Pebblez

I have heard of Ta Tas implant, but butt implants is something truly different. Can women go to far with these too???? I would have to say it depends. If she has huge Ta Tas and no butt, then she deserves to put something back there. I mean man invented implants and let them be used. There are plenty of model chicks out there and you will never know if they are real or fake. Who cares. I think they have like some life long policy for replacements too. I will let you be the judge of that.

I showed this chick to my friends and they were like her butt isn't real!!!! WTF. I just learned how to tell fake boobs from real ones when I was 16, now I have to determine if a chick has a real butt. This is getting out of hand somewhat. Shout out to all the natural ladies in the world. You stay classy. You are indeed pure beauty. Let me know if this chick has went too far. There isn't any shame....... in my opinion.

On a different note, "Pebblez da Model" is the name of the chick. She does have implants and she fooled me. I took the liberty of going to her myspace page and this is what she says:

"About Me:

Im not here for relationships or any other sexual incounters....But..I'm here networking,I am a mom,event hostess, model and I also do a little acting if it don't make money ,it don't make sense.I also do alot of traveling,I am a people person ,I love having fun and making people laugh i enjoy life to the fullest i know i can accomplish anything n life as long as I put god first and stay motivated__GOD IZ GOOD ALL THE TIME_______________________________________________________HUSTLE GRIND THEN $HINE_ BUSINESS + BUSINESS = Pleasure"

B*tch you are a big butt model. It is what you do. We all know that you be getting your freak on because it is the first thing you said you would not do. It is like a chick from the club claiming she is a virgin and you take her home.... 5 minutes pass........ she does more freaky sh*t then you have ever seen in your entire life. Conclusion.... she was not a virgin, she was indeed a h*e. Always use protection. Then she ends it with pleasure. That is an innuendo that I am a freak. Pebblez if you ever read this, I have you pegged, yes pegged. We all know what you are up to, just do not turn out to be the next Super Head.

-Uncle Booze

Wolverine Hammer....Why?

I was surfing the web and came across this clip. All these years Wolverine has come off as someone that would beat the f*ck out of Chuck Norris (cunt of 2005- until his death ) and then I find this clip. My image of this dude has changed slightly. Whoever designed this toy is a HOMO. Why the f*ck would you design a toy with the blow hole where his member is located? My child would not be allowed to play with this toy. If I even caught him playing with anything like this, I would kick him in the throat. I mean that Booze Jr.!

-Uncle Booze

Booze-ism 3

Morning brews are the best. I woke up this morning and fucking tripped over some sh*t. I hit my face on one of those stands next to my bed and realized..... I am still hammered, but got a f*cking headache. What is Booze going to do?

I went to my fridge and got a keystone light. Yes beer. A few minutes later I felt a lot better. It works every time!

-Uncle Booze

I'm Booking the Twerk Team

This one goes out to my boy Travis, who was in the library when I stumbled upon this minor league stripper squad. I first posted these hoes in my cautionary tale to fathers about the whores their daughters will grow up to be. These chicks are taking bookings people, so you know what type of party is going down at S. Beamin's house. It will be a Twerk Team extravaganza I'm talking about Twerk session from the basement, to the backyard, up to the shoe room. Yes people I will actually sully the sanctity of my precious shoe room for a session with the captain of the Twerk Team.

All I'm saying is that ill put her in my varsity jacket for now, but over the summer i'll get her a that half jacket and skirt set so I can take her out looking right. And by looking right I mean like a whore. Seriously people this is S Dot were are talking I don't treat good girls right, so you know she gets nothing but the worst. Look at them hoes Swag Surfin I thought it was all bad when they were doing the Stanky Leg, but man I had no idea.

Oh boy I'm going to be in the A this summer so you know Friday night is Twerk Team night. I'm going to be known as Uncle Willie to these young hoes. You know that old dude at the strip club who is a regular, and knocked up the young stripper I'm that guy. Yes people I will impregnate one of those chicks and make her deal with it, your boy is not for games.
Here goes the number people 206-736-8586 or 404-200-4831, yeah people these hoes have more than one phone number you know where that cake is coming from. Ass and Tits thats all you need to make money in this world or atleast get some of S. Beamin's cash.

The Chick on My Mind....Nicole Narain

Here we go again folks another edition of a hot chick that I will never meet or even talk too, but will watch from afar in a non stalker like fashion. This weeks winner is Nicole Narain who is famous for no other reason than dudes want to bang her. She also did one of those foul celebrity sex tapes with Colin Farrell. I'm not hating on my fellow Irishman, but I can't watch white dude with a black chick porn. I don't know what it is but it makes me feel some sort of way.

Nicole is a banger and by that I mean she has the look of a slut to her. By slut i mean she will sleep with you if you have more than 200k in the bank. Which leaves me with the quandry at what level does she become a high dollar ho is it 250k or 310k? I would just like to know so I can take these things into account when I finally get that paper.

For now though i'm just thinking about pinning that little frame down and going to work. They have that one pic of her getting a tat and liking it so she might like a little pain with her pleasure. The chick did Playboy so you know you can Google them booty naked pics. So you now know what i'll be doing for the rest of the week me and Nicole sitting in a tree, hoping S Dot doesn't catch a STD.

Booze-ism 2

This is a true story. My friend was walking down the mean streets of the city she lives in. A bum walks towards her and was going to ask her for money, but she was far to smart for that. She acted like she was the bum and proceeded to ask him for money. He replied, " Don't you pull that sh*t on me. How dare you?

That is how you deal with bums........ you ask them for money. Beat them at their own game.

-Uncle Booze

F*ck Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris does not intimidate me. The only thing that intimidate me is..............hairy "vaages."I mean to the point that it looks like the chick got Macy Gray growing down there. You know.

This dude is a f*cking ginger man. Yes he is a ginger. He is indeed the red headed step child of the world. He is a cunt and older than John McCain. I know you thinking that, " He can kick your @ss Booze." No he can't. I will whoop Chuck Norris like a fat chick eating ice cream because she looked in the mirror and got depressed.

Chuck if you are reading this......f*ck you. I will round house your @ss like Street Fighter.

-Uncle Booze

Things that turns me off from a Chick...Do Better Part 1

1.Bad attitudes. If you are ugly you shouldn't have one. If you are beautiful, you simply should not have one. Bad attitudes are not worth my time. It just brings nothing but drama. I am a fun loving person and this does not mix well with my personality. Chicks with bad attitudes end up having 1000 cats by age 35. Trust me, I saw a discovery channel documentary.

2. Bogus hair. We all saw the 1st of the republic of cameroon and I think that should speak for itself. It is simply a turnoff.

3. Eating like you never ate before. Listen if you are out to dinner, eat like a lady. Devouring food is a complete turnoff. You are not a viking that just got off an expedition.

4. Getting drunk til the point that you pass and and cannot perform. This shit right here pisses me off. I know it's an oximoron that my name is Booze and hate when a chick gets too drunk. Why? I am not your baby sitter and do not want to deal with your deep dark insercurities. That's what f*cking Dr. Phil is for.

4. Teasing. This sh*t is annoying. When I want it. I want it. No questions asked. You know. It's cool to make sure that the chick is turned on enough to get hers, but chicks teasing you to the point of insanity is a no go in my book. I am willin to meet half way on this one.

5. Rough hands and feet. Shame on you if you fit into this category. You are a lady and every part of you should be soft and welcoming. Lady there are plenty of products on the market to help you overcome your crocodile coated hands and feet. I cannot think of the name,but there is this extra thick lotion that will help you. Google it.

6. Insercurities- we all have them, but do not me overboard with them. It is a complete turnoff. Trust me. I do not want to hear those until.........never. I am with the US army on this one......don't ask, don't tell.

7. Chapped lips. This is a big one. Your lips need to be moist all the time. Okay. I refuse to even talk to a chick that do not take care of her lips. It says a lot about you- "I can't get wet even if I tried." And no man wants to deal with that. Friction is not our friend.

8.Complaining. If you complain, I simply exit the room, get someone else to call you to inform you to never call me again, and proceed to delete your number. You are not a baby. Grab your ta tas and be women about your sh*t.

-Uncle Booze

The Chick on My Mind.... Sharon Leal

This time in my weekly installment of chicks I'll never meet or talk too we have Sharon Leal. Sharon is old school, because I remember her from when I was just a young @sshole. She used to be on that sh*tty Fox show called Boston Public where the fat Principal was always trying to cut. Which gave fat kids across the country delusions of grandeur, once and for all you will never hit that until you hit the treadmill. She used to steady be singing on that show, but you know what they say about singers and pipes.

I had been in Sharon hibernation until earlier this year when she start showing up on Private Practice. Yeah that show with Kate Walsh (who we will get into at a later date, literally and figuratively), she is supposed to be Taye Diggs' new chick. Two problems first Baldy is in love with his wife on the show, who is no match for Sharon. Seriously his old chick is strong and by strong I mean big. I would never yell that big b*tches name out while knocking the stuffing out of Mrs. Leal, yes because I'm nasty. Second Taye fu*ks the snow bunnies exclusively in real life so the show has zero credibility with your boy.

Thanks to Allure I got the closest image to Sharon buck naked that I will ever see. She was in a spread with Padma who you know I love, Eliza Dushku who I had high school dreams about, word to Buffy. The rest of the chicks don't deserve a mention other than Chelsea Handler who should keep all her clothes on. Seriously just because you have a dirty mouth and sleep around does not mean that I want to see that sh*t. Seriously though thanks to King and Allure magazines for sharing Sharon with us, so until next week I'll be dreaming of Sharon's silky caramel skin.

-S. Beamin

Serious Things with S. Beamin

There are a lot of serious things S. Beamin does not really take seriously. This attitude tends to offend a lot of people, well I don't give a f*ck. One of the things I do take seriously though is the rape, especially the date rape. I know hot stove, Beamin take a step back you say, but no lets discuss this. I don't like this sh*t in life, on TV, Movies, songs, or any other type of forum. As true as this statement is some of you chicks be wildin.



Yeah I'm talkin to you Miss I'll try to ruffie S Dot at the party and have my way with him. Lady I am a man, first off more than likely I will have sex with you, second if I'm ruffied I won't actually perform. Yeah chick think it through if you drug me, you now have 205 pounds of dead weight in your bed. So smartin up and be classy either ask me to F*ck or use GHB.

Yeah I said it use GHB first it's easier to slip into my drink and second it's classier. Yep of the lowest things you can do, GHB is the classiest way you can do it. I'm just taking this from GHB girl, nope I don't know her name and she should be happy I don't. The point is this b*tch took the sh*t herself, yes non believers she date raped herself people. The worst is she did this sh*t in front of a frat house trying to get one of my people to take advantage. Actually worst than that is her friend was cosigning her sh*t, you let your friend take the date rape, Damn. Oh and from the look in your eyes you seem like you want to be on it next weekend. So readers take this sh*t to heart be better people I can't deal with this foolishness. And for real just ask me to f*ck the worst I can say is no, it's not worth the charge, the court case, and the horrible night we'll both have.


- S. Beamin

Great Decision in Circumcision!

I read an AP article talking about how circumcision actually protects us heterosexual males against ....HIV, HPV, and those dreadful bumps from hell called Herpes. Yes. Its true. This doesn't mean you can go out in the rain to play without a rain coat, but I am actually seeing the benefits of my decision to get circumcised when I was just a few days old. I still remember vividly talking to the doctor about the best route for my member.

Me (a few days old): " Hey Doc, what are you about to do with that sharp metal blade?"

Doc:" I am about to circumcise you. Your parents ordered the operation."

Me: "WTF. You are not using that on my member motherf*cker!!"

Doc: " Stop being such a c*nt. Trust me you will not be as prone to STDs. You need this in your life."

Me: "Doc What's a STD?"

Doc: "Something very horrible that would hurt your member for LIFE."

Me: "Lets get the sh*t over with!!!"

My advice to you is simple........ rap it up. You will live a lot longer and you will not run into any form of the devil's sex preventions techniques.

-Uncle Booze

Booze Loves the Cougars

I know you guys know I love M.I.L.F.s, but don't forget about the Cougars. They are not the same. Not all Cougars have kids and have a higher possibility of being a "sugar mama." They need love too. I love to be hunted by those foxy women in sexy clothing. Where do you find them...... more so where do they find you????

Well, I use to go to Cougar night every Thursday a few summers ago, just to help a woman relive her glory days. The beauty of the whole thing is, these women know what they want and will not waste time going after it. All I had to do was go to the bar, wink, and they would keep the drinks coming. Before I knew it, I was in heaven......yes heaven. FYI if you find a club or bar that does Cougar night, we (males) get in free if you are under the age of 25.

Cougars have become so popular there is a reality TV show about them. I couldn't find any clips, but here is some cheap knock off sh*t located below that displays the actions of these older chicks that just want to have f*cking fun. Get it........ f*cking fun. One of my favorite past times....f*ck baseball.

-Uncle Booze

F*ck 25 Things These are the Only Things

You know how earlier there was that 25 things list floating around Facebook that everyone fell prey to? Yeah you know the one it even got your boy, but the list I put out was censored so here you go the things you actually need to know about S.Beamin

1. I don't find you interesting, I'd rather look at myself in the mirror

2. When I was young I was scratched by a Tiger cub at the mall no less, still love them though shout out to Sigfried and Roy I don't know which is which

3. Yeah I'm on my Mike Tyson sh*t when it comes to Tigers, I own three now

4. I was named Mr. congeniality in Middle School, but no one who knows me now would believe that, because I have become quite the @sshole

5. I don't like people in general, because most of them are beneath me

6. I enjoy the suffering of people I don't care for, not just my enemies

7. I don't wear fits twice, why because I can I'm S. Beamin

8. I have the shortest attention span in America if you don't hook me in 2 seconds I sh*t on you and whatever comes out of your mouth

9. I am the fifth in a long line of strong men, so don't f*ck around

10. I drink the Colt 45, because I be on my Billy Dee Williams Sh*t

11. People blame it on the Andro and Roids, but my rage is because you're a stupid Cunt

12. Cunt is my favorite word, because it pisses people off to the utmost

13. I don't like strippers to touch me, dance and keep it moving whore

14. Seriously if I ever catch the one who bit me I'll string her up in front of my house

15. I don’t do Snakes, for real I don’t f*ck with Snakes not in life, TV, or movies

16. I had my first drink at 5, out of a sippy cup b*tches word to the Berstein Bears

17. People say I have a drinking problem, they have a f*cking personality problem

18. All my cuts and bruises from boozing have healed, but none from the weight room have. So f*ck weights, I lift 40s now

19. I love to watch Intervention, I drink beer and laugh at those pieces of sh*t for giving up so easily. "Oh I'm hurting my family!" you know what you sound like, you sound like a P*ssy

20. I’m very selfish in every way possible, because I'm simply more important than you

21. I like my alone time, I think that’s why I started traveling alone and why I’ll live alone from here on out. Simply because other people are a encumbrance to my greatness

22. I am a modern day version of Marc Antony, I'm talking the "Rome" HBO version. I live to pillage, kill and f*ck . I simply don't care I want to run riot over everyone and leave nothing, but death and destruction in my wake.

23. Hey chick if your Ta Tas aren't amazing don't even look at me, your wasting my time and yours. I need a great pair that will last a lifetime so don't let them sag or else.

24. I am simply better than you. No matter what you do you will never be close to as amazing as I am. Compared to you underlings I am a Supreme being, whose light you should bask in. The world is a cruel hard place and as soon as you accept you are a lower form of life the better off you will be.

F*ck 25, this is all you're worthy of

- S. Beamin

The Day I Hit My 1st Wall

Listen to me carefully----I am a booze hound. I even surprise myself at how much booze I can consume in at any given point of my life. It was lunch time during my last year in high school. For some reason or another, I went to a nationally ranked school for academics. To this day it is still ranked. I had to take a standardized test to get in. I know what you are thinking....... those test are culturally biased. They are......take some advice from me and get cultured m*ther f*cker. It will take you a long way.

Well, during my lunch period, I think it was Wednesday because we had long division (home room). I walked out to my car and saw a group of friends chugging a bottle of vodka. It was Kettle One. What am I about to do?!?!?!?!? I thought to myself I have to return to class and listen to a manly @ss hippie woman teach me english. WTF. Shout out to the hippie chick because I cannot remember her name. "Yeppie Kai Yah" They give anybody degrees these days.

We got some apple juice to mix it with, that way we could drink it in the school. Looking back, It was a dumb@ss idea because I should have used cranberry juice. I mean I was still young and simply living to have some freaking awesome fun. Well, I got lost at school and used water bottles to make a trail of my travels in the school. I finally made it to class; my friend and I chugged vodka and apple juice. When you opened the bottle, the entire class smelled like vodka and we didn't care at all. After the class, the rest of the day was a blur. My friends told me that I kicked like three junior high schoolers to the ground, mooned a teacher, and pissed in the vending machine. Trust me I do not believe them. Do you?

-Uncle Booze

Have You Been to Club Junkanoo?

Do you trust me? Well I hope not, but follow me anyway as I take you on a fantastic voyage. A voyage to a place very few have been and very few return from, it's a Bermuda Triangle of sorts. The Place is Club Junkanoo, Yes Club Junkanoo where the liquor flows and there are nothing but you and the h*es. So lets start this journey from the beginning. It was spring break and as everyone on a tropical island does I wanted to get f*cked up. So what do we do BOOZE CRUISE, and on this cruise we found out that if you put people on a boat mixed with grain fun in a bottle.

Yeah thats dude coming off the boat, and I wanted to go where he went so I started planning. The next morning I started with two Colt 45s to get my Billy Dee on for these h*es. Cause you know the Colt works every time.

Next I grabbed that big bottle of Crown from duty free and got at it. That wasn't good enough for your boy as I quickly jumped into a dirty hot tub with a group of strangers. In this hot tub there were two chicks and one fat dude telling sex stories. Yeah nothing gets your female guest nice and wet like Eiffel Towers and bucking bronco tales. I played this off easy by smashing the bottle of Crown on my own.

The next step on my voyage I decided not to eat, and then drink some more. What did I drink you ask? Pirate Juice, yeah this sh*t comes in a bucket people. You know the shit is bad if it's named after Pirates, those dudes would drink anything. So you know what I did next, I drank it all and then I drank another one and another one. Three Jugs down and then I was there Club Junkanoo.

Everyone there was chanting Junkanoo, Junkanoo, Junkanoo!. Then when they saw me everyone started chanting Beamin, Beamin, Beamin and all the h*es got buck @ss naked just for me. It was amazing I was in heaven I was taking them all home with me f*ck a roommate.

Then I woke up on the beach f*cked up. At this point, I did my three point check Teeth-still got em good, wallet-credit cards and cash good, and cell phone-battery dead....... well f*ck it. I staggered back to the hotel where the security guard informed me there was a island version of an Amber Alert out for me. I'm a grown @ss man. I don't want no damn Amber Alert. So bloody and beaten I stumbled to my room, but no room key. So for the next twenty minutes I had to explain to security that I stayed in that room while my roommate chuckled behind the door.

In the end, I was awarded with a Bloody face, mean battle scar, and a trip to Club Junkanoo. No one has ever made it back there, but if you party with S Dot I'll try to bring you along when I feel the urge to return to Club Junkanoo. I'm starting to notice that I have ended a few too many nights with a bloody face and no idea how it happened.

-S. Beamin

Danger Smashed the Hoomies and does not have a tattoo

Listen. Now ladies this one comes from the heart. I mean this........

Don't do this. Its cool if you get your groove on, but do not be bold enough to advertise that you screwed one of my homeboys, when you are trying to kick it with me. It simply makes you look like a "slute." Worst of all, I would not have any respect for you whatsoever.... as it pertains to a commitment.

This chick below has started to loose the battle for all women and I am not sure what it going to take ensure that you all get back on the right path. It is kinda like how Flava Flav just f*cked sh*t up for all males with his show that showcased wild women during some of the worst sh*t I have ever seen...wait a second.... there appears to be a trend being developed here (in my perplexed sarcastic tone). Could it be? Yes. Some women have single handedly managed to take the female sex back without putting forth any effort.

Ray J if you are reading this........ do not do it. She is not worth it. Well according to sources, you may have gotten the "maggot traggot" pregnant. WTF. Dude if you did, you have to deal with that nut job for the next 18 years plus 9 months. She is worst then that chick I met from Miami. Boy are you in for it. On top of that she claims to have worked at a shaky joint and that is a NO NO. Never bring strippers home.. it goes against man law #154,782. That's what the Champagne room is for!!!!

-Uncle Booze

My Last Night in China

Yes for those of you who thought it was impossible my country allowed me to go to a foreign country and represent them as a citizen of the United States. And represent I did, the craziest sh*t is that the Chinese Government gave me a Visa, yeah a Visa that allows me to come back anytime within the next year. I ripped through that country for ten days and 10 nights of pure debauchery. From Beijing to Shanghai and some Province near The Great Wall in between, S Dot burned a path of drunkin destruction through the forbidden city. This was all great, but nothing compared to the last night in China.

Now, when I decide to go out with a bang I get it going. So how the hell do we start the night, oh only by buying and downing a bottle of Johnny Walker around three in the afternoon. Yeah that's the jump off you know where I went next Chinese 40s, yeah b*tch we call it GO BEEER! So the team is now running on full tanks of alcohol, I'm talking busting fireworks in rooms wearing SARS mask like Jacko.

As soon as your boy gets to the club, I gotta deal with these beggars. I'm yelling Booo Yow, Chinese for "Hell no you f*cking Bum", but one caught me off guard with their offer. This b*tch tried to sell me her baby, yes a f*cking baby and you know the price........21 Yuan. At the time that equals out to about 7 dollars, 1 kid = 7 US green backs people. Now when I got back people told me maybe I should have bought the kid, but at that time my answer was "I ain't trying to be no Fatha awwww!". I wanted to get in the club and you ain't getting in no club I don't care where in the world you are with a baby, word to Knocked Up. Second how am I going to get this baby through customs I can't declare a baby; what kind of sh*t would that be.

The rest of the night was of course a blur as we all decided to get hammered beyond belief. When I say hammered I mean it. We drank everything in front of us and then some.

Then things went to another level as me and my man "KADE" got hold of our favorite bottle John Jamison. So when two drunks have bottles of Jamison and no control...... sh*t gets crazy. We were running around the club poring drinks knighting people into the clan of John Jamison. We were out of control I'm talking people hanging off the rooftop and urling on bums and passersby alike.

The craziest thing is once we left I didn't stop. Yes, I had to keep going because when I go in I go HAM as my people would say. You know what that means...... elevator party in the hotel. What is that, oh it's simple I take a bottle from the club, so does someone else, and we hit the elevator. We went up and down until we dropped I'm talking jumping out on different floors for impromptu parties ruining other guests lives we didn't care.

The next morning I woke up clothes drunk packed during my blackout and ready to hit the states. Your boy went to the airport in his club clothes bought a Chairman Mao tee, drank a bottle of mints with a Jamison chaser, and boarded the plane. Once on this 11 hour flight I not only decided to take a inordinate amount of Ambien I decided it was party time. This amazing combo lead to me getting cut off in a plane. Yes I was on the edge of being detained in the friendly Sky's after I tricked a stewardess (dumb ho) into getting me another drink. Thankfully I landed in the US where I slept for 10 hours and started again. Only in the life of S Dot.

- S. Beamin

Adopt a Chick (Wife)

I was watching this show, Home Makeover (I think), but the family adopted like all these kids. Then in the media, the hip thing for Hollywood to do is to go over to Africa on their private jets, go to one of the most poverty stricken communities in their Range Rover, and steal the first kid they see that will not put up a good fight. Who do I charge these crime to? F*cking Madonna and Angelina Jolie. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the kids and the initiative, but the method in which they get the kids have to be a little more diplomatic. I started thinking, what if you could adopt a wife? Oh the possibilities.....

Naw, not a mail ordered bride, but a woman that was just being extremely neglected by her current husband. The beauty of it is that she can leave without any obligations to her current husband because she is going into a situation in which another man is going to provide for her. How will this legally happen?

Easy, we steal E*Harmony's model and get a list of all the women in America filing for divorce and match them with dudes that would be willing to adopt them with all there excess baggage. I know some of you are thinking,"Booze you have lost it on this one!!" Not really is my reply, because these women would be happy. Look at the Brady Bunch. All of them were able to get along and that's without using E*Harmony's model. The beauty of this is that dudes that are getting divorce would not be ordered to pay alimony and someone else would take care of the kids. In the event no kids are involved, the swap would be a lot easier. The hardest thing would be getting dudes to sign up for this awesome idea. Once the model works in America, I am taking it WORLDWIDE.

- Uncle Booze

unclebooze@gmail.com

Fighting

This shit is unbelievable so today I'm watching Ultimate Fighter on DVR and what do I see a "Fighting" commercial. I know I slipped up and let a commercial slip into my TV viewing, but this shit was crazy. They made a movie about street fighting and then named the shit Fighting. Are you serious, I would have loved to be in that meeting. Where the other ideas so dumb that the producers was like Fuck It call the shit Fighting. What was Punch too on the nose, did Brawl not get the Q rating you wanted or did the director think Fight just didn't represent his vision.

It's sad they got some white dude who people tell me is in G.I. Joe fighting in the streets with Terrance Howard. No don't get excited Hustle and Flow will not be fighting he's just another crooked dude in a fight movie. How many Don King like characters do I have to see in fight movies? Seriously, people I get it Don King is a crook I kind of figured that out from watching Mike Tyson make an @ss out of himself. I hope Terrance keeps up his streak of playing the same character in every film though.

You can't watch that sh*t and not laugh. I can't wait for "What's going on with this fighting man?" Jamie goes at dude so hard, I'm saying people you saw what he did at the Emmitt Smith Roast, you don't want it with dude. Back to the issue at hand though, I hope this movie is good and proves me wrong, but right now it looks like sh*t. Rogue Pictures get your house under control and start promoting the chick in the film, she might be the only redeemable factor in this entire movie.

I'm going to start producing movies, because I know what people like and by people I mean men 18-24 the only demographic a movie like this needs to hit. See that I'm talking about Demos, someone book me a ticket to Hollywood they need me.

Yeah I'm getting Cookies!!!

-S. Beamin

Nick & Nora makes me "Snora"

First, I would like to say forgive me for my hiatus. Now to business.

I thought this movie was going to be as funny as Juno or Superbad, but I was sadly mistaken. I rented the movie from one of those Red Boxes for a buck. The only downfall is that you have to bring the movie back the next day, which f*cking sucks @ss. Shout out to whoever invented the red box. I see your movement. I am going to start a movement of my own and have like chicks on a corner selling beer in next to nothing clothing with bunny ears. I am going to call it, "Bunny Beer B*tches." They will only come out during sporting events and big parties. Just watch.....

Uncle Booze's found flaws about Nick and Nora

1. This dude called the chick like a million times to leave a message, but keeps deleting it to record another one. Dude you got dumped; get over the sh*t already. There is plenty of chicks out there. Go find your mojo.

2. He is in a band full of "panzzies" (code word for dudes that practices an alternative lifestyle). If all your friends are those, then what does that make you? No wonder the c*nt f*cker ignored all Nora's advances. What a F*cking tool?

3. The only thing that made the movie remotely interesting was the fact Nora's h*e friend was on her sh*t. Every time they showed her she was either drinking, trying to get laid, or something remotely humorous. You can't go wrong with a chick like that, just use a condom and delete the number if it is not good.

4. During the entire movie, the entire cast was trying to find the secret location of a concert hosted by the Pink Fluffy. What type of rock group goes by the name Pink Fluffy?

You are a rock group......go by the name of a real rock band. Something like the vagina bangers, the "moter boats", or FTWMF*(see below).

5. On top of everything, the other chick wanted Nick back and he went for the random chick Nora too soon, when he could have bang both of the them in the same day. Why? Simple, he was not in committed relationship with any of the chicks. Why not stretch this opportunity a little bit? No harm in that!!!

-Uncle Booze

*FTWMF= F*ck the world motherf*cker....I invented one too!!!

The Chick on My Mind....Reon Kadena

When I first got on this blog I told people that I was out there catching Unicorns, and the next one on my list was a Asian with big titties. Well people as you can see above I have found here. The truth is I've had her under raps for awhile and didn't know if I should really share here with the rest of you. I decided that I shouldn't be selfish though and just to set this beauty free on the world. She even used to do those nude shots, but she has reformed.

Just look at Ms. Kadena her rack is just mouth watering the twins just seem to be calling me. I know this happens to other dudes, but sometimes I go into this trance where i'm brain dead and the rest of the world goes silent. When I watched this video I went into a titty coma. Take me to the 1:50 mark.

You back from the titty vacation, well that under boob gets me every time. I used to be a side boob man all day, but I think i'm becoming a under boob convert. I just want to thank the lord for making me want to be a baby to a Asian chicks titties. Seriously for years I thought this would never be possible, but thanks to GMOs, Growth Hormones, and McDonalds I can now go to Japan and get into some honest to God titty loving.

What Unicorn do you guys want me to hunt down next?
- S. Beamin