The Day I Hit My 1st Wall

Listen to me carefully----I am a booze hound. I even surprise myself at how much booze I can consume in at any given point of my life. It was lunch time during my last year in high school. For some reason or another, I went to a nationally ranked school for academics. To this day it is still ranked. I had to take a standardized test to get in. I know what you are thinking....... those test are culturally biased. They are......take some advice from me and get cultured m*ther f*cker. It will take you a long way.

Well, during my lunch period, I think it was Wednesday because we had long division (home room). I walked out to my car and saw a group of friends chugging a bottle of vodka. It was Kettle One. What am I about to do?!?!?!?!? I thought to myself I have to return to class and listen to a manly @ss hippie woman teach me english. WTF. Shout out to the hippie chick because I cannot remember her name. "Yeppie Kai Yah" They give anybody degrees these days.

We got some apple juice to mix it with, that way we could drink it in the school. Looking back, It was a dumb@ss idea because I should have used cranberry juice. I mean I was still young and simply living to have some freaking awesome fun. Well, I got lost at school and used water bottles to make a trail of my travels in the school. I finally made it to class; my friend and I chugged vodka and apple juice. When you opened the bottle, the entire class smelled like vodka and we didn't care at all. After the class, the rest of the day was a blur. My friends told me that I kicked like three junior high schoolers to the ground, mooned a teacher, and pissed in the vending machine. Trust me I do not believe them. Do you?

-Uncle Booze