Alot of people have been asking where is S. Beamin? Some people thought I had given this shit up, some people thought I finally put my trust in a big butt and a smile causing me to slow down, some people thought my antics had caught up with me and I was dead. None of those things are true though the fact is my job moved me out into the boonies, yes i am now a resident of Louisiana. Not fun Louisiana but fuck it, this is no mans land Louisiana. So you know what that means yep the adventures will be only getting worse as I deal with these country fucks. The thing about it is I was so pissed when I got here I automatically left. Yeah I stayed the night woke up and drove to New Orleans.
New Orleans is the place where I effectively went into hiding I threw out a few tweets but nothing of true value, you know why, because I got fucked up. Im talking Sugar Bowl, New Years, Casinos and a bunch of Aggies fucked up. Have you ever partied with a bunch of Bearcats who have never won anything they get loose. I was out here wildin with Ohio women one chick got me to play her husband for the night and she even did some of her wifely duties while at Pat O's. But my friends from Aggie Land get down too, we shut Pat O's down im talking thirty bottles of Champagne, me taking down a bottle of Jameson, and the rest of the crew making sure Pat O's had no more Hurricanes left. I got fucked up, I got lost, and some how I got found.
The next day started off just ass fucked as we ate, drank Bloody Marys, and hit Bourbon for 12 straight hours. After the clubs kicked us out we tried to go to Rick's Cabaret, but as usual I got kicked out. It was one of the many times i got kicked out of places that weekend but every time I deserved it. One time I got kicked out of a bar went to the hotel switched sweaters and went right back in cause thats the shit I do. Well the lastnight in New Orleans I wandered the streets doing things Im not quite comfortable talking about so you know it's bad.
Being the guy I am I rallied got on the road and burned down the highway, in fact I was doing so much that I got a speeding ticket in some bum fuck Parish that I have to take care of. When I finally woke up after arriving at my apartment I went to the grocery store mind you it was 8 O'clock and there was none in this mother fucker. I mean this shit was dead as fuck it was me and 4 cashiers. Back at home the Grocery just gets poppin at 8 because we are all buying booze, and speaking of booze one of the best things about this town is they sell hard liquor everywhere. When I mean everywhere I mean if they sell food they have some liquor on hand Gas Station Check, Grocery Store Check, Bodega Check, the liquor stores have a drive through just to compete.
The town is boring but im getting over it I met some decent people who might be able to get down with this S. Beamin thing. The worst shit was I couldn't find a decent barber until today, so you know I was looking like Randy Moses long lost cousin. The shit was wild I had these crazy bitches coming out the word works getting at your boy. When I say out the wood works I mean straight Appalachian Mountain type hoes.There are some crazy mother fuckers out here though, I have never heard the word Coon Ass and Redneck thrown around with so much affection it's scary. And I dont understand half these Coon asses when they talk either so that shit is fun. Oh and did i mention it snowed on Tuesday and my Plasma is on the floor fuck it such is life.
- S. Beamin
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