Please Leave A.K.A. Get the Fuck Out

Now when it comes to the morning after Im a pretty decent guy. I don't usually throw chicks out at 3 in the morning with cab fare and no panties. I try to do my best to treat each lady that walks in my humbe aboad with the utmost respect. This morning that shit was not in the cards, my people it just wasn't. First and foremost let me tell you about my perfect Sunday.

I wake up with someone I actually care about. It's early so I don't disturb her as I watch the Arsenal cruise to a 3-0 victory in the English Premier League. Her timing is almost perfect as she wakes up just in time to watch the interesting parts of Meet The Press with me. After we shower together to conserve hot water and such we would head out to brunch. A brunch that would consist of anything she wanted plus bottomless Mimosas. The rest of the day would simply consist of us shopping, resting, watching whatever she wants on my Plasma, and me cooking a heavy duty meal that would put us both to sleep.

Today was not that day, the brunette I told you about in the Kimbella post below well it didn't end well. Im new in town so I don't know how these chicks act all the time. As usual I took her home made her a drink and as usual I put my work in. Im drunk as shit so I don't fall asleep with the greatest of ease. I sneak out to the kitchen and end up drinking a entire bottle of Stoli, I try to fall asleep with the chick who will remain nameless in my bed but the shit just wont work. By this time it's like 9 in the morning so I watch the Arsenal game, still asleep. I wait a bit and watch Meet the Press she's still asleep, I lift some weights loud as fuck she's still asleep. Fuck it I even made some eggs and cooked some lamb. Honestly if you smell lamb or something you've never smelled before you wake the fuck up. This chick on the other hand stays stone cold asleep, she has to be faking the funk at this point.

I have now become pissed off and I am starting to feel trapped in my apartment, because for some reason she is enjoying the shit out of my bed and i'm waiting for the fucking game to come on, its the Playoffs people. So in my mind we have hit def con 5, I don't like you, you are still in my house, and you are beginning to ruin my day. Now certain people advised me to tell her my girl was coming home, but I said fuck it. You know what happens when I say fuck it I go into I could give a fuck less mode, I go into No Bueno territory. This meant I simply walked to the side of the bed and flipped the mattress. Yep I put that shit straight in air, yeah i made a fucking 90 degree angle with my mattress and my bed. Of course she rolled out hitting my white clothes with her feet and my floor with head.

What did I do you ask I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and allowed her to leave with what little dignity she had left.

- S. Beamin
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