Realizations in HD

Yesterday while watching The Real World on my monster HD TV I came to a realization that had been creeping into my mind, HD is not for everyone. I shouldn't say everyone I should say most people, seriously if you're on reality TV HD is a no go. If you are over 30 1080i is a no. If you are not one of the finest examples of God's work then please do not grace my TV. It started off as a Twitter rant (Follow Me it's fun), and now it's deveoled into a full blog so here are my Realizations in HD.
Before HD

After HD

Realizations in HD: There is a good reason all the old ladies on the news are getting fired it's called 1080p
Perfect example of this shit is Mika Brezinski, used to think she was a fine ass Conneticut MILF, actually she was a grainy mirage. At first I thought it was the sleep in my eyes, but as I tuned into Morning Joe after a hard night of partying the truth was revealed. Im not going to say she's a hag, but give me a big tittied Telemundo bitch who speeka no Englase any day.
Realizations in HD: If I can see your ingrown hairs in your close up step your razor game up
Seriously dude you are on national TV giving confessionals/interviews, step your Mach 5 game up. If your hand ain't steady go down and see freddy. My man freddy works the single blade and hot foam like an artist leaving your boy smooth as a baby.
Realizations in HD: Acne scars will comeback to haunt you no matter how much makeup you cake on
Your Momma told you not to pinch them pimples girl and she was right. The HD is unforgiving not only can I see your caked makeup a mile away, but also the craters in your face. You are the woman that Pro Active missed, and when I say missed I mean by a country mile.
Realizations in HD: People with pit stains think they can hide it in dark clothes, not in HD
Serioulsy Old Spice comes in a scent called mother fuckin swagger. I myself where the refined original scent that puts that old man fragrance on these pits. I rock the nicest shirts so sweat are a no no. You thought you could hide your stank ass under a black tee, wrong mother fucker. This huge as screen I have is like a maginfying glass there is no where to hide.
Realizations in HD: People with greasy skin look like fucking oil slicks
This shit is the worst it looks like the damn Exxon Valdes spilled on your face. I mean damn fuck say yes to the dress, say yes to the powder. Come on people you know they make facial cream for people with oily skin just like you. Do you fucks purposley use the regular shit like you don't have a problem. You my friend are greasier than fried chicken get a napkin
Realizations in HD: Peoples teeth are dingy as hell. Veneers and bleach for the win
Seriously some of you television personalities are spitting straight butter when you speak. The yellow mother fuckin brick road is in your grill, and it looks like Dorothy is skipping on your gums. HD is horrible for people with decent teeth too, because my shit is so bright that your regular white shits look dingy as all get out. I feel bad for them no name dudes in Ocean's 13 looking straight garbage next to the pearly whites of Brad and George. Bleach will set you free my friends.
Realizations in HD: Most chicks have terrible armpits ewwww
I don't know how you fix this, but chicks your arm pit game is atrocious. Is that a mother fuckin mole, oh it is and is that a hair growing out of it I just threw up a little in my mouth. It's not just chicks on Reality TV, but damn HD was killin these FSU chicks Monday night. Faces jacked up, hair jacked up, and that close up from below to the face that paused around the arm pit had me throwing out my guac.
I don't know what can be done about this problem other than people getting better looking. I figure this is the best plan of action for the world. So I should just sleep with a bunch of hot chicks and make HD viewing better for people for the next 40 years. I think im doing a service for the world at large so ladies you should start thanking me properly starting tonight.

- S. Beamin
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