1. AIDS- This sh*t right here is the culprit that has claimed the lives of millions of people. It is this disease, also referred to as the Die Slow, has caused me to never raw dog the vaage. Can you imagine 3 months after having a one night stand with a Brazilian chick, you feel like your white blood cells are not normal (I am not familiar with symptoms, if you would like to know google it). So, you decide to go to the doctor and BAM! The doctor infrom your that you have HIV/ AIDS....... He tells you that it is not advanced and it could evolve into full blown AIDS...... PAUSE.......... REWIND........ WTF. Your immediate reaction would be to just die because you can't like have sex with chicks unless you tell them your status. All of a sudden you realize your life is in the shitter and Aston Kutcher is not around the corner waiting to tell you that you have just been PUNKED>>>>>> instead you have reached a new low.... dreading the day you didn't use a jimmy coat.
2. Herpes...Please refer to number 1 and replace HIV/AIDS with Herpes. Also replace your white blood cells are not normal with you have f*cking bumps on your genital area.
3. Paris Hilton- This is what I like to call the leader of the Dumb B*tch clic. Everytime I turn on the TV she is involved in some antic that does not need to be nationally televised. She really make all chicks look bad. The only thing that has her in my good graces is the sex tape she made. Which, inadvertently, concluded that is all she is good for.
4. Jose Cuervo- This guy is not my friend. I met Jose my freshmen year and do not remember that week at all. S. Beamin and I had a bet on who could drink the most shots. I got to 15 and he beat me by 2 shots. The next day, I woke up in some estranged woman's house, stranded, and without any form of communication. Other run ins with this friend has resulted in a far worst outcome that I may talk about later. On a less personal note, Jose is the leading cause to having kids out of wedlock. Trust me a few of my friends are in that statistic.
5. DUIs- "These" are simply the devil. Getting one of these could cost you like 10 thousand dollars. On top of that.... you are forced to pay for a cab to get home because you are afraid of getting pulled over while intoxicated. The worse thing is accidentally giving the cab driver a $100. FML, right? Not only have the law makers lowered the legal limit, but they make you sit in a cell for a few hours or until you sober up. I hear it is like the worst f*cking feeling ever. More importantly, I have ended up in some pretty strange locations and situation because I didn't want a DUI. I know some of you are think that it to protect the other people on the road, but drunks do not kill people....impact does. You see someone coming....move out the f*cking way. It is that simple. One day I might mature up and change my views, but do not count on it.
6. Child Support- So what you got pregnant by someone. You chose to sleep with him knowing that sex is not about pleasure, but its about reproduction. Society has sold us a dream about this pleasure thing just to make a dollar. Now oral sex is about pleasure you f*cking idiot. If the male spends time with his child and provide for him, do not use the system to get a quick buck because you are broke. Some chicks just cheat the system. This is bullsh*t. If the dude does not get his mouth swabbed after being summoned, the court automatically assumed he is the father. This laws are flawed. Significantly flawed. Women are educated enough to make their own decisions and should be ready to accept the consequences. Women STOP looking for a f*cking meal ticket. Alimony is another beast I would tackle later. FYI, the father does not need to sign the birth certificate anymore, the hospital staff can perform that duty without his consent. WTF is the world coming to.
-Uncle Booze
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