I Just Can't Win

This weekend consisted of a series of unfortunate events. It all started when my cousin T Foolery called me and informed me that we needed to head to this house warming slash party. This is when things took a turn for the worst. I headed to the event with a full flask of some shit I had left over from the previous weekend.

As I entered the place, good ole foolery pulled out the biggest bottle of Patron and insisted that the party get started correctly. I didn't have any regrets to starting the evening with a mission to get completely wasted. And I might add I got too wasted. You will be ashamed to find out why.......

A few shots and a game of beer pong later, some chick pushed me for calling her superficial. I didn't think there was anything wrong with my comment as I then called her an angry little person for no reason. I personally hate negativity and negative cunt chicks. I hereby deem her, the official spokes person of the mid west cunt club.

The rest of the evening went over smoothly until I fell asleep at a light around 4:39 am Sunday. I woke up to 4 cops banging on my window yelling for me to get out of the car. In my pocket, resided a flask full of Patron and that was the least of my worries.

The cops and I chilled and talked about life as others from Their crew showed up to question me. The most embarresing thing was some chick cop had to park my car for me. Somehow I managed to tell the cops that I only had one brew and just was a little tired. The story was completely unbelievable. I reeked of booze. An assortment of booze. If they wanted to catcher the essence of the smell of booze, all the perfume industry had to do was use me as a specimen.

I called everyone in my phone as the cold air attacked my lungs. Finally, I got into contact with my uncle. He came and got me. I got off easy.....which seemed to be the sentiments of every police officer waiting with me as my fearless uncle traveled to get me.

Man was I happy until the next day I got pulled over for talking on my cell phone. I just can't win.

-Uncle Booze

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