We have all fallen victim to the legendary beer goggles. I have been a victim of this worthy adversary for years. Can you imagine the damage it has done to me over the years? One sloppy fat chick after the other. One tip drill* after the other. One Whoopi Goldberg looking chick after the other. Oh the horrors. Oh the horrors.
Well some of that didn't happen to me because I mastered the art of beer googles. I simply ask my designated driver if the chick is worth my time. This person must be someone you can trust because I got sent off big time my sophomore year and sometimes after that; but who is counting. I trusted this guy like he was my brother and I fell victim to his trickery. Tommer, I owe you one! Watch your back hommie! UM HAHAHAHA UM HAHAHA......
I woke up the next morning next to the worst thing I could have done in my entire life. F*ck all the dumb stuff I have done. If the condom broke, I could have had an half ugly child. Booze Jr., I will never do that to you in a million years. I remember the morning vividly.....It was like 5am I woke up like who the f*ck is this next to me? She turned around for the moment of truth...... WTF. I told her to call a cab because she was too ugly to get in my car for me to take her home. She called the cab and I never saw her again. To this day, I regret that day and I am extremely thankful that it did not turn out all bad. Mystery lady, if you are reading this. I meant no harm. I just had to get that sh*t off my chest. I think there is someone out there for you, but you might have to go on the set of Star Wars to meet Chewbacca (biatch).
-Uncle Booze
*It must be your @ss because it is not your face!
PS. She wasn't as big as those ladies in the picture but her waist was like 3 to 5 inches bigger than mine! Oh the horrors. There are more to come, if I can remember the sh*t.
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