So your fearless leader is here watching the brand new edition of the Real World, and I figure no matter what this has to be better than the Gay fest that was last season. First and foremost lets deal with the elephant in the room. They put them in Cancun which should lead to epic problems. I have some experience in Cancun and lets just say it’s wild and when I say wild I mean S Dot should not be alive. So the idea of spending more than a week in Cancun scares the sh*t out of me. Seriously, if you do it right by day seven of the trip you should be dying and day nine means someone carries you onto the plane. Simply put my last trip included a three way in a bathroom at a Flo Rida concert, a foreign Hooters hookup, a hot tub party in my suite (Presidente b*tch is how S. Beamin rolls), winning a porn contest and walking from the duty free store chugging a bottle of Jamison, so I didn’t puke. So weeks in Cancun should be intense for any normal person.
Lets get to the show and the people from the first look they all seem normal enough and MTV limited it to one gay dude, so I won’t need to avert my eyes every five minutes. When it comes to the chicks at the 16 minute point I would sleep with all the chicks, but none seem especially worthy of the S. Beamin full on press.
Lets get this promise piercing of Jonna’s out of the way first because that sh*t is dumb. People who actually get married take off their ring every 20 minutes, father of S. Beamin doesn’t even have a ring. You know the chicks with the promise rings in high school are the first ones to get railed, and they usually do anal with the caveat that it’s not real sex.
I’m also a fan of there being multiple Hooters chicks, but the best part so far is Joey. The dude is a punk and his goal for the first day was to be a @sshole off jump, which I can actually respect. Until he falls off way early on the first night. Then Bronne pukes on the other dude CJ with reckless abandon. The best part is he shakes it off like whatever this sh*t is on the daily.
The hotel they are staying at is pretty nice. I’ve actually been there, had a good time, and was quickly kicked out when I took it a step too far for the federalies liking. (Gay dude just rocked an electric blue bandana in the club super Pause). It gets pretty wild when Captain Pukes a lot and Major pussy out from the night before start making on a mother daughter team. The balls that go into that move actually redeem these two in my book. Joey actually gets the daughter back to the house and proceeds to knock that down. The sh*tty part is like every other season of the Real World. The chicks act like they are covert ops and pull a reconnaissance mission on Joey. No cock blocking so I guess no harm no foul.
CJ douches up the end of the episode by breaking up with his girl and then getting white man cornrows, which we have already talked about being the gayest thing ever. The rest of the season looks decent, so it looks like it can stay on the DVR schedule for a week longer. I have to repeat my favorite line of the night and the title of this post: Don’t Drink the Water and Don’t get AIDS, which is pretty much what my dad told me when he sent me to Cancun at 16 with a bag of condoms, lube, and my less than morally responsible Uncle.
- S. Beamin
CJ douches up the end of the episode by breaking up with his girl and then getting white man cornrows, which we have already talked about being the gayest thing ever. The rest of the season looks decent, so it looks like it can stay on the DVR schedule for a week longer. I have to repeat my favorite line of the night and the title of this post: Don’t Drink the Water and Don’t get AIDS, which is pretty much what my dad told me when he sent me to Cancun at 16 with a bag of condoms, lube, and my less than morally responsible Uncle.
- S. Beamin
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