16 and Pregnant Again

Ebony and Ivory living together in perfect harmony… f*cking wrong once again MTV brings me the greatness........ that is dumb kids getting pregnant at dumb@ss ages. Today the tale of two star-crossed lovers in the form of Ebony and Ivory/Josh. These two army brats once again prove to me that being part of structured groups leads to nothing but trouble. Seriously, I look back at my high school days and think how did I side step this bomb. I know how, I was smart and never thought that I loved some chick so much that I wouldn’t wrap it up. I’m S. Beamin these chicks all wanted to have my baby and siphon my good looks and funds for their benefit. It might sound stuck up, but if some these motherf*ckers had the same mind set we wouldn’t have all these kids running around with a 16 year age gap between them and their parents. I actually thank my parental unit for setting rules like no chicks in the same room over night even though I side stepped the rule a few times. It forced me to run a hell of a lot of condom quickies much to my benefit.
I like how these two are not only having their dreams crushed by a baby, but these two both wanted to join the Air Force and serve like their rents. The recruiter was like the both of you together in the force wrong, pick cause one of you is staying home with that kid. I also like how Josh’s mom is killing this dude on borrowing the car for ultrasound appointments. Your snaggle tooth @ss pulled this chick with no whip. Damn my son I either underestimated you or she has really low self-esteem. The great part is my first thought was they never smashed in the whip; I also have to give props to my SLK for being so small. Have you ever f*cked in a SLK? That sh*t is a true feat, I was a mini contortionist in high school.
It’s great that these two are still trying to be normal by going to Prom and sh*t. I love that Ebony referred to one of her dresses as the tent so I didn’t have to. I loved how when it was time to come out there....... there was none of the usual awww she looks so beautiful from the crowd it was a straight up five minute countdown, half hearted countdown, picture, and get in the truck. That Prom picture is amazing she really looked like a bus in that yellow dress. I’m surprised the little kids didn’t chase her down the street. I know you don’t think ahead, but a little forethought on how you look before you come out of the house.
Josh is pure greatness, because my man has decided the best way to deal with a knocked up girlfriend is too stop going to school. Yeah he forgot that whole her giving up her Air Force dreams real quick and said f*ck it. My man had 200 unexcused absences. Seriously, I had an @ss load which is obvious from all my morning session in Ms. B’s office and Saturday schools. Side note Saturday school hungover is the worst no talking, no texting in the cafe is just the way I pictured sweating out a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Josh’s mom went ape sh*t on the dude while his dad is rolled up in a bootleg snuggie aka a blanket. My man said f*ck I’m out this b*tch and decided to dip. I love how his mom kept railing about he should have kept it in his pants and not knocked up some chick. I like how she doesn’t even refer to Ebony by name at this point. Josh pulls dumb@ss move 205 when he then decides it’s best to walk with his pregnant chick 5 miles in 20 degree weather to her house. How do I know because his mom told me when she pulled up to help them out and he decided to act an @ss.
Yay it’s baby time people, this chick threw some chicken bones on the floor and spit some blood on them and forecasted her baby coming due to the sinking of her baby shower balloon. MTV seems to have got my memo as they moved the camera when the baby first came out. They cleaned it up a little, but next week I’m hoping for the first baby shot to be a fully clothed one.

As usual we move into the f*ck fest that is taking the baby. I liked Josh’s mom’s cautionary tale about cats smothering babies it was really uplifting. I never knew cats were running around snuffing kids for their milk breath. As per the show, Josh acts an @ss and for the first time we see a titty whipped out for a feeding and a diaper change in the parking lot. They argue he doesn’t care, he wants to go out, he wants to sleep, and she hassles the sh*t out of him. He even gets the our not mentally their speech. Seriously, this is one thing I never got about chicks. I can’t read your mind so I guess your pussy gives you special mind reading powers that I just don’t have. And this ends another tale of teen’s being dumb@sses. Next week we get Mom and Daughter preggos at the same time, I can’t wait. Thanks to my boy J.D. who woke me up from my nap to make sure I didn’t miss this epic f*ck up.

- S. Beamin