My Return From My Distraction

Today, I will ensure that I will not neglect my readers by not posting on a daily basis. These last few weeks have been full of times that have prohibited me from my normal train of thought. No, I was not detained by the blue people with badges (PIGS) or kidnapped by vampires (MICHAEL STEELE and the elephant people), but I was in a daze people. I was soul searching....who soul was I searching for???? Mine, I think. At least I hope so.

Side note: "If I was searching for some else's soul, what would that make me? Conclusion.....it had to be mine and only mine. I cannot help someone find their soul, right?"

Exactly. Well, while in this daze, I was attempted to use bounded rationality to determine why I was going through this period of uncertainty. (To me a period of uncertainty consist of...... not knowing where my next beer is going to come from.... why would I concern myself with thinking about getting my next meal?) Then it hits me, I haven't had a beer for over a month. I gave it up to see if I had self control and it can be determined I do, but it came with some side effects:

• I had to drink wine on a consistent basis (something I only drank to celebrate the arrival of a chick's period. I dodged another bullet)...I had to learn a whole new language of liquor like Carbernet Sauvingnon. This red substance took a toll on my libido. Every time I had a glass of red wine, I wanted to poke something, if you know what I mean. I am still on a high of drinking red wine and trying to come down, but I truly fear chaffing (latex has its side effects).
• I was not able to think clearly. It was like my mind was clouded. I was able to determine my mind was clouded because I watched C-SPAN and did not know what was going on. I normally know these things. Things like why we need Health Care reform or why the department of defense do not need anymore earmarks. But the topics were all foreign to me.......... OLD ANGLO-SAXONS interrogating Sonia Sotomayor about her comment. Confirm her already people.
• I started seeing things. I was in the mall shopping for a gift for someone. Every time I passed someone with a beverage, I saw "Pan Pan Greek god Pan" drinking a brew. After about the 5th time of seeing this anathema, I thought I might be going crazy. (Not Brittney Spears crazy, but Jamie Foxx I glued my eyes shut to get into the role of Ray crazy). In actuality, drinking is suppose to cause hallucinations, but in my surreal life it worked in the opposite. FML

I honestly thought that giving up that sweet nectar that comes from hops would do my body some good. I was in dismay when I discovered that it had harsh effect of my psyche. My separation from my life long partner had caused temporary damages that I have overcome over the last 24 hours.

Hard Core Conclusion:

I need brews to function normally. What guy doesn't? Ladies, keep brews in the fridge for us. We truly appreciate it. My body does not have a dependency on it, but I have OCD for brew ha has. Some may call it alcoholism, but I doubt it because I have never been arrested. If you have, you cannot judge me; it is written in the book of brews (a book I haven't finished writing yet).

-Dr. Uncle Booze