How to End Obesity Proposal #1

Today, I must admit I am ashamed to be an American. I was watching CNN a few minutes ago and 2/3 of America is like f*cking over weight. The average American eats 250 more calories ( day) than Americans ate 20 years ago. America, we need a Calorie Reform; it is going to take the help of every American. Okay I must admit that I was a fat little kid, but as I got older and learned healthy eating habits, the weight slowly dropped.

America it is time to wake up. I propose the following initiatives to help America get back in shape. I myself have survived a month of P90X; the most extreme workout ever. I think we need to put additional taxes on foods such as:

• McDonalds, Burger King, and the rest of the fast food giants. I drive pass these places everyday and see cars upon cars in the drive-thru. The sad thing is their are little kids in those cars getting their favorite meals, and never realizing that they are going to be the fat kid for the rest of their life. Stop doing this to children. A lady just got arrested for letting her son weighing over 500 pounds.
• Soda (Diet Soda is OK)-No diet soda is wrong. All soda is wrong. It is not natural.
• Pastries- Just nothing but sugar and carbs= death and diabetes
• Ice Cream-Banned
• Hot Dogs- The devil's meat
• Ramen Noodles- Anything you can purchase a lifetime supply of for $100 should not be eaten.
• White breads, white pasta, and white potatoes-
• Chocolate- ???????
• Lunchables- Death in a box
• Mayonnaise- Who invented this?
• Applebee's- Should be banned
• Energy Drinks (Red Bull is banned in France)

There should be a 20% tax on the above items. Due to the recession, most people will not be able to afford these items because it would be considered a luxury good. Before you know it, people around you will start to look skinnier. Of course putting a tax on the above foods is not enough, we will need to initiate the following:

• Mandatory daily workouts for non-active people. Companies should have a gym in their offices and require their employees to use it. It should be used as an incentive to receive a pay check. Sometimes people need to be forced to get motivated.
• Take the weights of people before they purchase fatty foods. This will cause embarrassment and hopefully motivate people to lose weight.
• Stop selling obese people clothes. Making their clothes is like supporting their habit. After some time, these people will realize that the only thing they have to wear is their bed sheet or curtain. Then they will realize that the only way to get new clothes is to lose weight.
• Ban all surgeries that help obese people take a short cut to lose weight. These surgeries should only be used in the event the person situation is life threatening.

-Uncle Booze

(Note: I am not familiar with the "legal" definition of obese and do not wish to offend anyone. I do however know that my proposal is far fetched; it should be used for humor purposes and to spark ideas. I do believe that there is a fat little kid in all of us. Just yesterday, I ate some reduce fat ice cream; I am only human.)