Chivas as we know by now is a real dick, but somehow he seems to gain new friends were ever he goes. One of these new friends James happened to invite Chivas and his friends O.K. and Russ to his lake house for the weekend. Like most events in Chivas’ life this weekend centered around booze. The story he told me was long and drawn out, but for your benefit we’ll skip to the good part.
The night that Chivas and friends arrived at the lake house it was the night of UFC TUF Finale. James’ lake house was great and the entertainment room was nice and spacious which help contribute to the acts that were soon to follow. Well during the fights Russ decided it would be great to make up a story about being an Iraq War vet to fuck with James' brother and friends. Well this story with the help of Chivas quickly got out of hand as it moved from war vet, to being hit by an I.E.D., to being permanently scared, to finally co-opting the story of the fighter on the TV behind him and having a retarded son named Thor. The blow up that ensued from someone questioning the Thor story was epic, and led to everyone not in on the joke apologizing to Russ and saying how brave he was for going to war and keeping his child.
Now with the liquor flowing and fights on it could only lead to one thing a full on grappling match. Of course Chivas dominated the competition as he was fueled with Rum and low rent steroids. To win one match Chivas even went as far as too Ike Turner choke James. Now here is where I should tell you that at this point in life Chivas had a bit of a rage problem that when mixed with alcohol makes for a pretty bad situation if your on the end of it. So when it came time to grapple with one of James’ brother’s friends lets call him Lank, took a turn for the worst. The reason you may ask is because Lank has a lung that has a tendency to collapse. Well instead of taking it easy on the kid Chivas went all out for the win. The results of course were a collapsed lung.
Well you can’t tell James’ parents, because they were drunk, they couldn’t call an ambulance, because they were drunk, and they couldn’t think straight, because they were drunk. So there bright idea Russ would make up another story about how he was under going EMT training and could save him. With what you may ask well breathing exercises of course. Chivas and Russ sat young Lank down and made him cross his legs touch his fingers together and do shallow breathes until he felt better. The two of them proceeded to get super drunk and let Chivas pass out with no thought to Lank.
The story should end here, but no just because Chivas is like a viper if he gets riled he strikes. Well tonight what riled up Chivas was O.K., in his drunken stupor Chivas heard a story that O.K. was telling about someone who was in the Klan. To his ears Chivas thought O.K. was saying he was in the Klan even though he had known O.K. for years and had never seen him in a hood and robe. So Chivas jumped up off the couch where he was sleeping and punched O.K. on the chest with the power of Zeus. While everyone else looked on aghast Chivas simply went back to sleep as if nothing happened.
You see people not only is Chivas a drunk, but he also has a few anger issues, which makes for a great person in the eyes of S. Beamin. If not only because everyone likes a drunk who can fight, but Chivas is always there to supply me with a good tale to share with you.
- S. Beamin
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