How to drink cheap beer for Dummies

Now I’m in college so that means through my life I have had to drink some cheap ass beers, and have found out the depths of depravity that can come from a can. So lets start with some of the best. In the over all scheme of things you can always go with Bud Light, Miller Lite, or a good old-fashioned Coors. I will honestly tell you the reader that I am biased I love Bud Light the GHT has been with me since I was a small boy. The smooth taste of a Bud in the morning with your shower is a thing of legend (we’ll save shower beers for another post). On the other hand there is Bud’s major opponent in this war on taste Miller Light. Miller Lite is loved by people all over the world my friends from the Chi love it as well as my Aunties from Port Arthur. I understand people like their advertising, but I don’t get it the so called great taste kills me every time, not to mention the shoddy beer they put out under their flag. So this leaves the third of the big three Coors, I call Coors a Hooters beer. Coors is always better when poured by a Hooters girl; I’ll even take a girl in a tight tank top but their needs to be a woman involved. This sad fact is because Coors Light has no redeeming value other than the can turns blue when it’s cold. So if you trust in S. Beamin you’ll be knocking down a Bud Light in a minute.

Now here is where it gets tough, the arena of cheaper college beers is combated by a few choice beverages. The first on my list is Keystone light a lower level product of Coors. Now Keystone does have the problem of being watery, but you can get thirty of them. That’s right people thirty stones usually for 15 dollars do you know how much fun that brings on a college night. Next we have the poor college favorite and one of my hated rivals Natural Ice, better known as Natty Ice. This is a true shit beer if you think Keystone is watery wait tell you drink from this well, you might as well be swimming. Now I know it’s super cheap, but come on people whole your heads high and drink a real beer. Finally we have Pabst Blue Ribbon, or PBR for you Hipsters. Now this shit can kill you I thought one weekend I would get Midwest/Dirty hipster on these Florida boys with a 24 of Pabst Wrong. This shit took my head off not only was this shit horrible to the taste the insta hangover was foe shit.

Now if you’ve got to get lower we are talking about drinking forties or thirty-two ounces in Tallahassee that means you're paying under 3 dollars a pop. First the good you can get away with Colt 45, Mickey’s, Old English, and maybe if you have testicular fortitude Schlitz Malt liquor. Now the bad comes from our friends at Miller Brewing Company they refer to it as the Champagne of Beer. Yeah That’s right the High Life now don’t let the commercials fool you this shit is for Trailer park livin. I’m talking Sittin at a Bar by Rehab style, playing King of the Hill in your driveway. Now here comes the ugly I have gotten to this level only once in my life and would never like to return. That place is Steel Reserve 211, this shit is battery acid toxic, and I didn’t even finish the whole beer if you want to call it a beer. This shit is sludge, someone dropped one by my house and I refuse to go near it.
Hopefully this little list will help you out. I just want to see your eyes go glassy and your words start to slur, and I know all is right with the world. Truthfully in life S. Beamin is really here to get you fucked up.

- S. Beamin