Steve Harvey the New Age Philosopher

Okay. I normally don't watch Oprah, but I was forced to this time. Its just not my cup of tea. Steve Harvey appeared and laid the game straight, while promoting his book. Genuis. Oprah has one of the largest following of the female population known to man. He told women what every man wants to tell them. We just didn't want the BS. It was sh*t yall may or may not needed to hear. In some cases, the mother f*cker told yall too much, but I can't "knock" his hustle.

Some of these chicks were f*king crazy. This one corpulent lady had a list of like 60 things and had the nerves to be over 35 years of age. Her list was f*cking ridiculous. Get over it lady......it was all down hill for you at 25. How dare you propose a list of all those items and you don't even fulfill one of those items yourself. You my dear have "the game all f*cked up." You should be happy that someone may even want your @ss. Sorry ladies, but I meant that one.

Lists.... are important and sh*t, but we have ours too. So if you are going to come at us like that, you better come right because here is mine. Enjoy!

Uncle Booze's LIST (A simple list that tells what I want in a woman, email me for the complex one)

1. Suga MAMA- She got to have her own money and willing to pay for everything. Yes. Everything. (key word willing... don't be so quick to judge)
2. M.I.L.F (under the age of 28; most likely had her baby at like 16 and baby daddy not around. I can get jiggy with that sh*t. Must have a discipline kid because I kick bad kids in the throat for fun. )
3. Ta Tas the size of Australia without any excess fat.
4. @ss bigger than "Buffie I can't believe your body"
5. Clean in a French maid costume. Underwear must not be present
6. Have my slippers at the door for me when I walk into the house....EVERY TIME
7. Loves spaceships and want to visit NASA and sh*T
8. Able to do an upside down split on a stripper pole without any hands. It can be done. Trust me.
9. Able to shake what her mama gave her.
10. Able to cook better than Rachel Rae and that chick can cook. If you ever read this Rachel, email me because I got something we need to discuss.
11. Must call me sir 85% of time. ( I don't know why, but it's a must. i.e. "You want some dinner SIR?")
12. Keep the fridge stock with my favorite beers. I never want to see just one beer in the fridge or else we have a serious f*cking problem.

-Uncle Booze

unclebooze@gmail.com