Jim Beam, Don't Let Them Fool You

Hot damn summer in the city did you see that commercial, damn I want to keep her all to myself. Now until a few weeks ago I had never seen this amazing piece of work. I have a DVR so I don't f*ck with commercials like the normal man. "The Perfect Girlfriend" as they call it is every middle aged, bald, mans fantasy of what type of woman he could have in his life. It's not real, but hey let them dream. Hey if my chicks let me get away with some of my faults with no consequences I would take it too, shit life would be easier than it is now. Lets not get it twisted though Beamin is rolling in the 99th percentile of lives to lead.The fact is this girl and the company she reps are not compatible.

The problem we have with this commercial is two fold. One as my friends and I discussed after our first viewing this would work with most things, but not Jim Beam. Have you ever had Jim Beam that shit is rough, in my darker days I used to speed around town with a handle of Jim Beam. Now this Beam was so bad it had no top and it was covered by tin foil. One day while at my peoples house I left half passed out without my handle of Beam, me being the guy I am forgot about it an moved on. Well when i finally went back i was going to drop in a twenty of Bud lights i saw it. It was my bottle of Beam untouched, I looked around and said whats the deal I thought this was dead. The room turned quite and about four heads shook "that shit is deadly my dude", and thats the truth Beam can kill you.

The second problem is the deeper one the actual real life consequences of having a girlfriend like that. Hot chicks do not put up with a lot of bull shit for no reason especially unnecessary bullshit, there is always one of three explanations. One you got it like that i'm talkin looks, car, money, game, or the mean D game (no homo). If any of the above are true congratulations and welcome to the club. The second reason is the girl is biding her time and by biding her time I mean she is going to kill you. She hates you and has decided the only way to get even is to off you, they have about 30 movies on this pick one if it seems familiar look out. The third and final reason is actually given to us by Jim Beam only in Australia though, the chick is crazy. Yes she is not normal, no chick is really that nice she has a screw loose up there my friends. This chick will not go away lightly she is clingy and will end up boiling one of your small pets. Your boy Beamin has lost a side mirror off my fine German automobile to this shit and it's not funny, so before you go wishing for the chick up top look at the one below. Friendly reminder most of them carry knives and guns now, not just bats and pepper spray.

-S. Beamin