Who is Uncle Booze?

If you guys didn't know. I got my name in college because I was the chugging champion in all the land that surrounded my campus. Fuck yeah.

I thought you all were wondering where the h*ll did this pompous prink come from. Well I would be delighted to tell you. I guess I will start with the birth of Uncle Booze. I was a normal smart person just like you until I begun a journey of no return into Boozedom and got educated by some of today’s greatest philosophers. It all started one Friday @ around 5pm during my freshmen year in college. Although I become Uncle Booze in college, my Boozer habits can be traced to my days of high school. It was a ritual for my friends and I to get like five 20-packs of beer to pre-game before the biggest party that evening. Boy did this night take a turn for the worst. It reminds of those times of reflection the morning after when you think did that really f*cking happen. WTF was I thinking.

After finishing a few brews. It was more like 8, but who's counting. We left to go to this party. Man was it not rememberable. Upon getting out of the car, I fell head first into a car and managed to get my hand caught in the wheel of the car. I was okay you know. I survived.

My glasses didn't. Oh the horrors.

I got up, dusted myself, and proceeded to the club. They asked me to pay and I turned to this random girl and insisted that she pays for me. After I few minutes of selling her dreams she paid for me. Yes. I love my life. The good thing was she did not expect anything in return. How glorious is that. I walked in the door, got several shots, and danced my f*cking ass off with every cute young lady I could find. That's all I remember. So the rest of the story was told to me when I woke up 2 days later. I could still taste the alcohol.

I was told that I went missing for a few hours. My friends lost me. The searched and searched for me until they asked the bartender have they seen me. He told them people are normally in the bushes behind the club. My friends thought there was no way that I would be back there. He is too smart for that. Little did I know I was setting myself up for public humiliation.

I was in bushes with my pants down to my knees. Apparently, I was trying to take a piss but lost my balance. Man pissing while drunk is a challenge and in my case DANGEROUS. I still have the pics. I had scars all over my face and body. My head was in a constant state of train reck and to top it off, I missed two days of my life.

That night, Uncle Booze was born and I started to have more adventures to top that one. I only hope you can do the same. You only live one life and I am doing what you call LIVING IT.

-Uncle Booze